Luminosity, Beam, Radiance

   Have you ever noticed how powerful light is? It scares away the darkness every time. No matter how hard it tries, darkness can never put out light. In fact, the deeper the darkness, the brighter the light shines.

   Light is attractive. Darkness is described as oppressive, creepy, and depressing, but light is comforting and happy. It lights up the places you want to be. People are drawn to light.

   Lighthouses show where home is; they keep people safe. When you get home late at night and the lights are still on, you know someone’s waiting up for you. People look for light when they’re lost. Light means safety, fellowship, home.

   Light wakes you up in the morning. It brings you to life, dancing through the shadows and signaling the new beginning of every day. It eliminates the night, when secrets are made, crimes are committed, and evil thinks it can hide.

   Light is powerful, attractive, comforting, and enlivening. It illuminates the truth. It eliminates the darkness.

   Be the light.

 

 

Matthew 5:14-16

It's Meh Birfday!

   Star birthday and sweet sixteen all rolled into one. Me gusta.
   I got up early this morning to be with Jesus. Early as in 6, but still. Worship music, Bible, notebook, Holy Spirit. These are the essentials of life. And these are essentials of making the most of my 17th year of life:
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."

~Romans 12:1

 

"Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;

 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour."
~Ephesians 5:1-2


Welcome to my life. (: It has been a wonderful 16 years.



God loves you.

God is never going to love you more than He does right now.

So stop trying to make Him.

            Beloved, He loved you before your parents even thought about you – before your parents even thought about each other. He loved you while you were in your mother’s womb. He loved you while He planned every little, wonderful detail of you. He loved when you first came into this world, wide-eyed and clueless.

He loved you the first time you lied. He loved you when you were disrespectful to your parents. He loved you when you learned what jealousy was. He loved you when you gave yourself away. He loved you when sin blackened your heart. He loved you while you hated Him.

His love for you was beyond measure in the beginning, when He created you. Guess what, my dear? It never changed. It never will.

So stop. Stop trying to make up for your existence. Stop trying to fake perfection. Stop trying to be good enough to love.

He planned you. He wants you. He knew you couldn’t achieve righteousness, so He gave you His. He desires you. He says you are beautiful. He loves you.

And He’ll never stop.

Thanksgiving consists of

   Consists is a weird word, don't you think?  I mean, just look at it.  It has so much quirk!  You could also say "consists" over and over again using different intonations and accents, and draw it out until it's the longest word you've ever said in your life, and say it a bajillion times as fast as you can until it doesn't even sound like a word anymore.  Or you could just promise never to be a word-addicted weirdo like me and move on with your life.
   Now, what was this post supposed to be about?  Ah, yes. Turkey-day!  So let me tell what my Thanksgiving break has consisted of thus far:

• sleeping in. amen.
• family collaboration. resulting in broccoli and cauliflower salad and pie. mostly pie.
• painting my nails for the first time in months.
• The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R Tolkien.
• old VHS movies.
• seeing cousins who are old and in college and getting married and having babies and all that jazz.
• sooo. much. food. it was sooo good.
• a new lyric obsession. "I wanna be so far gone in You.." Thousand Foot Krutch. yes.
• plastering paper snowflakes all over the windows.
• not going shopping.
• inhaling leftover rolls and pie.
• clean laundry.
• teaching Jonathon that listening to music really means belting out the lyrics (and instrumentals) whenever you feel like it.
• dance parties with the 4-year-old. while frying eggs. don't try this at home.
• realizing all over again how good God is. blows my mind.

   And you?  I'm dying to hear of your fabulous holiday experience.  Any special traditions?  Yummiest food?  Hilarious moments?  What are you thankful for?  Happy fall y'all!

I made a parody

So this was us on the way back to the house from hunting yesterday..

Me: Guess what? I made a parody!
Jonathon: I don't wanna know..
Me: (singing) What time is it? Suppertime, it's our predation. What time is it? Suppertime, food's out, scream and shout! (♪♫♪)
Jonathon: Oh yeah? You gotta getchagetchagetcha getcha food on the plate!

There is a slight possibililty we spent too much time in the woods. But probably not.

Glory

Me: God, I wanna see You! I wanna see Your glory! I wanna see Your glory.

God: You’re gonna have to get rid of some of your glory to make room for mine.

Me: *cry*

God: Even when you’re doing something for Me, you’re doing it to glorify yourself. You want people to look at you and be amazed by how good of a Christian you are, by how much you love Me. I want people to look at you and see Me.

Me: *cry*

Song: Your love never fails, it never runs out, it never gives up on me..

Me: God, I wanna love people like you love them. I want my love to be like Yours!

God: No. You just want more of my love.

 

I don’t need a better Michaela.  I just need a perfect God.

obsessions

Obsessions.  Of the ongoing sort.

• words.
• making people smile
• Jesus
• singing - constantly, spontaneously, passionately
• horses
• the sky ("It's so beautimous!")
• victory
• God's love
• loooong hair
• books. of course.
• Holy Spirit power!
• that confident-strong-beautiful feeling after a workout
• meeting new people
• photos
• food
• hoodies
• Jesus
• so bam.

Be Like Jesus

   You say you want your heart to break for what breaks His.  Could you handle that pain, that constant ache?  He cries for the ones who disgust you, the ones you walk by on the other side of the street.  He longs for the ones you don’t think are worth your time, the ones you reject.  His heart breaks for every abandoned girl, every aborted baby, every lonely heart.
   You say you wanna be like Jesus.  Are you sure?  He hung out with sinners: liars, thieves, prostitutes, hypocrites.  He loved the ones everyone else hated.
   The lepers thought He would keep His distance.  He healed them with a single touch.  The religious leaders thought He would appreciate their “righteousness.”  He appreciated the ones who knew they didn’t deserve His attention. 
    He smashed expectations to bits.  He pieced broken hearts back together.  He was loved by a few, hated by many.  His own town, the people He grew up with, rejected Him.  His parents didn’t understand Him.  The very crowd who cried, “Hosanna” shouted, “Crucify Him!”
     You say you wanna live like Jesus.  Do you realize He died?

On Earth

   It is my dream to see Heaven on Earth.  I wanna see people clothed in white robes of righteousness and purity.  I wanna hear "holy, holy, holy," constant praise and worhsip.  I wanna feel the ground shake when voices join to sound like rushing water.
   I wanna begin eternal worship before I get to eternity.  I want the atmosphere down here to match the atmosphere up there.  I wanna bring down the glory!
   This is my heart's desire:
ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

Her Grumpiness Inspires Me

   Every time I see Raven in the hallway I yell, "Hi, Raven!"  Usually as loud as I possibly can.  Especially in the morning.  She's generally not in a good mood in the morning.  Whatever that is.
   She asks me why I'm so happy all the time, and I just want to know why not.  Happy is way better.  Plus I have Jesus, and He makes everything better.
   Sometimes I see Raven when I'm depressed and junk, so I put on my overly-excited face and yell her name.  Then I feel silly for not being happy (since I make fun of her all the time for not being happy), and my day is seriously brightened.
   So anyway.  Thank you, Raven! Your grumpiness inspires me.

Forgiven

   The words of Luke 7:36-50 tell one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.
   I can see it now.  All these men gathered around the Pharisee's table, enjoying a nice, calm, normal meal.  They're probably discussing politics, religion, or maybe something tamer, like the weather.  The disciples are relieved Jesus hasn't done anything weird or radical for once. 
   Out in the city, the atmosphere is a little different.  As soon as Mary Magdalene hears the rumor that Jesus is at the Pharisee's house, she knows she has to go.  She runs to the place where she hid the alabaster box and books it to where Jesus is.
   Standing outside the door, Mary tries to still her beating heart.  She knows she has to risk everything to gain it all.  Suddenly nothing matters except for Jesus, and she goes after Him with her whole heart.
   The room suddenly goes still when Mary walks in.  Her reputation as a "sinner" is known far and wide.  They see her alabaster box full of perfume, and they know how someone like her got the money for something so expensive.  Every man at the table is judging her, looking down on her from the pedestals they've placed tehmselves upon. 
   Every man, that is, except for Jesus.  He turns to face Mary Magdalene, His eyes full of love, but can't bring herself to look at His face.  She looks at no one, staring at the Savior's feet, focused on the task at hand.  All of a sudden she is bawling her eyes out, her tears splashing onto His feet, washing away the dirt and grime.  She wipes Jesus' feet with her hair, kisses them all over, and annoints them with every drop of the sweet smelling perfume.
   The Pharisee who had invited Jesus is thinking to hinself, If He were a prophet He would know what kind of woman is touching Him, and if He knew what kind of woman she was, there is no way He'd let her touch Him.  Our Lord knew his thoughts, and, not even acknowledging him, turned to Simon, saying, "Do you see this woman?  I entered into your house, you gave me no water for my feet, but she has washed my feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.  You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not stopped kissing my feet since she came in.  You did not annoint my head with oil, but this woman has annointed my feet with ointment.  Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much, but to whom little is forgiven, the same love little."  Let me tell you, nothing hurts worse than being humbled/knocked off your pedestal/burned by Jesus.  Instead of looking down on Mary, now every person in the room knows that she has something they lack.
   It is in this moment that Mary Magdalene finally dares to look up.  She locks eyes with Jesus, and she knows she will never, ever look away.  She has poured everything of value upon the feet of Jesus - the perfume, her love, her old life, her identity, her whole self.  Everything is His.
   And He says unto the woman, "Thy sins are forgiven. Thy faith has saved thee; go in peace."
   Forgiven.

7

   Well, my dears, at long last, here are the journal entries from my 7 experiment, which I finished September 10.  I am so glad I did this!  Enjoy this inside look at my imperfections, which happen to be many.  I hope you are inspired!

Day 1
   Well, it has begun!  Misty texted me first thing this morning to say "You go, girl!"  Praise God for her. :)
   Honestly, being the first day, it wasn't really hard.  The sacrifice factor hasn't kicked in yet.  The only thing was that I missed my 7 pm prayer pause.  I was at practice, and I will be pretty much every day, so I need to remember right at the end.  It needs to become a habit.
   I know that it's going to get hard.  Fast.  Part of me is asking why I'm even doing this, but the rest of me has a ready answer.
   I'm doing this to make less of myself and more of God.  I'm doing this to become focused on Him at all times.  I'm doing this draw closer to Him, to seek His face, to learn more of how awesomHe is.  I'm doing this to make God number one.

Day 2
   I did it again.  My prayer pause was closer to 9 pm than 7.  I don't have an alarm or anything to remind me, and apparently God is not on my mind too much at football practice.  that's the main goal of this, though.  I want to always be thinking about Jesus.  I am so hungry for Him!

Day 4
   Jordan and I opened the fridge at the ranch ysterday to find Swiss Rolls and Reese's.  Believe me when I say celebration commenced immediately.
   Me: Yay!  We have Sw... ugghh.  I'm fasting chocolate.
   And so, the battle begins.

~~~~~

   Bethany: Wait, you're Baptist, right?

   Me: Umm, no.  I don't have a denomination.  I don't actually need one either.  I've got Jesus, and He's enough for me!

 

Day 7

   Talking to Jesus before I even open my eyes on a school morning.  Belting out Amazing Grace with my church family until our worship leader is so overcome he can't even sing anymore.  Telling the girl I met 38 seconds ago about God's love at Sportsmanship Summit.

   Favorite moments during 7.  So far.

 

Day 13

   Confession #1: I haven't been journaling near enough.  Every time I sit down to write there is so much to say that I get overwhelmed.  I think I'll give myself a few hours to process, and  next thing I know it's been 5 days.  I'm learning discipline in so many other areas; I'd better get started here, too.

   Confession #2: I am 21 items behind on my giving.  Yes, people, 3 days worth.  I'm running out of things to give away!  I need to go on a treasure hunt or something.

   Confession #3: I miss candy bars.  And Google.  A lot.

   God, grant me focus.

 

Day 16

   My logic: Well, it's only been 90 degrees like three times this summer, and it's already starting to cool off, so I should be good!

   Missouri's logic: Oh, Michaela only has two pairs of shorts for the next month?  Let's make it 100 degrees every day during the last week of August.

   And in other news: I'm past halfway!

 

Day 22

   On Saturday, I broke 7.  I blame Josh and Sindy for falling in love.  Just kidding, guys!  But seriously, I had nothing wedding-appropriate.  My shoes were 7-sanctioned, though.  Forgive me?

My beautiful FCA girls and I before the wedding. :)

   In all honesty, I've considered giving away everything in my closet besides the 21 things I picked for 7.  I just don't even need them all.  But there's just one thing.  You see, the thing about wearing the same clothes over and over and over again is that you have to wash them. All. the. time. That or you go to get dressed in the morning and think, "Oohhhh, lovely..." I feel like I'd be having way too many oh-lovely-type mornings.

Day 27

   The other day, I cracked.  Unintentionally, and unwittingly, but it still happened.  I went to turn on Spotify for some music, and the next thing I know my sister's asking me what the heck I'm doing. 

   What I was doing was reading the headlines on our home page.  I had clicked on the internet without even realizing I had done it.  There I was, tired and stressed at the end of the day, and I couldn't even believe I had done that.

   I was this close to drying.  But before the tears fell, Jesus whispered in my ear, "Darling, I still love you."  He reminded me that the point of 7 is not perfection.  The point of 7 is not proving what an awesome Christian I am.  The point of 7 is falling apart until I can do nothing but let God put me back together.  The point is relying totally and completely on His strength for everything I do.  When I get dressed in the morning, when I interact with my family, when I eat, and when I use the computer.  Constantly.  Incessantly.  Always.

   Jesus is all that matters.

My Own 7

   I finished 7.  Jen Hatmaker had me busting up one minute, bawling the next.  This book messed up my heart.  I'm cereal.
   It messed me up  so much that I am embarking on my very own, sweetened, condensed version of 7.  In 7 ways, for the next 30 days, I'll be taking the focus off me.  Jesus gets the spotlight.  I promise to give ya'll some juicy details (God's gonna prove how awesome He is all over again!), but for now, you just need to know that I'll be abandoning you for the next month.  In other words, I'm fasting from the internet.  Pray for me, lovelies! 
   I'll see you on September 11th.  <3 :)

Obsessing Over

   With a need to post on my blog, but no motivation to do any real deep and insightful writing, I give you a list.

5 Things I'm Obsessing Over

1. Jeremy Riddle.  I keep thinking I'm done listening to him all day every day, and then I realize I just clicked on the playlist again.  He is seriously so good though.  And God is seriously so great.
 
2. The fact that I'm going to Cafe 41 tomorrow.  And I'm bringing the Justice with me this time! We were hoping she could do the internship and Encounter with me, but that didn't work out, so mass introductions, here we come.  Remember this post?  Yupp.  I'm about to go see all those lovely people again.
3. His Ranch.  And the horses there.  And the people there.  And the awesomeness exuding from there.  But mostly the horses.
4. Selfies that I actually look good in.  Because I like these, I will show them to you.  That's just what you get for reading this.  Enjoy.



Oh, did I forget the part where we got a dog now?? We have a dog now. :)

 

1. 7.  It's a book, and it's super good.  I stole it off Ruth's shelf and fell in love with while I was waiting for her to get out of the shower and drive me home.  (Welcome to my life.  Beware of occasional awkward-nerdiness.)  She was cool enough to let me borrow it, and now I am knee-deep in Jen Hatmaker's wonderful, challenging, hysterical, raw story of her rebellion against excess.
    

Don't Be Satisfied

   Why do you think you've already arrived?  Why do you think praying a prayer and getting saved is all there is? Why do think this is as good as it gets?
   God has so much more for you!  He wants to give you freedom and relieve you of your burdens.  He was to give joy unspeakable and peace unthinkable.  He wants to give you power.  He wants to give you more and more of His Spirit everyday.  He wants to give you wonderful things - beyond what you could ever ask or even imagine.
   God wants to be in fellowship with you.  He wants you to know Him.  He wants you to spend time with Him.  He wants you to fall deep, deep, deep in love with Him.
   So stop running around in circles, moving but never getting anywhere.  Stop being ok with that.  Stop being complacent.  Stop spinning your wheels, caught up in old habits, old lies, old you.
   Go after Him!  Run.  Chase.  Get so excited that you trip over your own feet on the way to Him.  Don't stop until you've reached the finish line.  Don't stop until you're there, dancing with Jesus on streets of gold. 
   Want Him.  Desire Him.  Need Him.  And don't ever be satisfied.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

-James 4:8

 



F is for Faith

⁴Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:

⁵ “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”

⁶ Then said I:

“Ah, Lord God!
Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.”

⁷ But the Lord said to me:

“Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’
For you shall go to all to whom I send you,
And whatever I command you, you shall speak.
⁸ Do not be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord.

⁹ Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me:

“Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.
¹⁰ See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms,
To root out and to pull down,
To destroy and to throw down,
To build and to plant.”

-Jeremiah 1:4-10

 

   I truly believe God has had a crazy-awesome plan for me since before my parents even thought about me.  I believe He has been working on me since I was a baby.  I believe He will continue to change my heart to be more like His for the rest of my days.

   God has done so much for me.  When I was four He saved my from my sin.  Last summer He saved me from the deep, dark pit of depression.  He is saving me from myself.

   I have learned that it is not enough to believe that God can do something.  I need to ask Him, and I need to let Him.  He's holding out the gift, but He's not going to shove it at me.

   I am so ready to recieve everything He wants to give me.  I believe God's plan for me is beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine.  He has blown my mind with what He has done for me and through me so far.  I am beyond excited to see what comes next.  It only gets better from here!

 

I Want More

   I love Peter's attitude in John 13:9.  He was appalled when Jesus first started to serve him, saying that Jesus would never wash his feet.  Jesus' replies, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me."  Immediately Peter is all in.  He begs Jesus to wash his hands and his head too, desperate to have a part with Him.  Peter wants every part of him to be consumed by God, his feet, hands, and head to be taken by the Spirit.
   Peter and I have so much in common (I seriously can't wait to meet him in Heaven).  We both mess up, we both break promises, we both deny Him, we both cry over our mistakes.  At the end of the day, we just want more of Jesus.  Our hearts' desire is to become more like Him.  We long to use our hands, our feet, and our heads to serve Him. 
   I want more of God's love and power every day.  Good thing He never runs out!  I don't want to just dip my toes in the water, I want Him to open the floodgates of Heaven and overflow my life.  I want Holy Spirit to take over, to direct my every step, word, action and thought.  I want Him to rain down on me.  I want to encounter Jesus.

"Oh that You would rend the heavens and come down!"

(Isaiah 64:1. My heart cry.)

 

E is for Embarrassing Moment

   Let's just say I had a lot to choose from for this post.  You guys already know about some of them, but I don't think I've told you about the chocolate milk spewing from my mouth - twice, once during eighth grade and the other during freshman year.  I'm just saying, if you don't want me to spit out chocolate milk, don't make me laugh.  I was laughing hard.
   Last year it happened on the day of silence.  Someone was funny, I laughed, out came the chocolate milk, and I started talking about how I couldn't believe I had just done that.  I couldn't figure out why everyone was just staring at me with their mouths hanging open, and it felt like an eternity until I realized I wasn't supposed to speak.  Yeah.  That was awkward.
    My goal for sophomore year is to keep my milk contained at all times.  I'm counting on you guys to hold me to that.

D is for Day in the Life of Me

   I was gonna wait to do this post until

1. I spent a whole day taking pictures of everything and
2. My todays stopped looking completely different from my yesterdays,

but it doesn't really look like that's gonna happen anytime soon.  So, with words and guesstimated times, a Tuesday, July 9, 2013 in the life of me.

5:16 AM - Get woken up by Dad.  Spend five minutes convincing yourself to get off the couch (you're sleeping on it 'cause your Gonnie and Aunt Sonja are here!) and go to weightlifting.
6:00 AM - Lay down on bleachers.  Fall asleep.  Scare yourself half to death by allowing your hand to fall, hit the bleachers, and wake you up.  Read a chapter of Ezekiel.  Watch high school boys realize how out of shape they are after a week off.
8:00 AM - Work out with Karley and three eighth grade boys.  Realize how out of shape you are after two weeks off. 
9:40 AM - Get made fun of.  ("Pray for me, Coach, Michaela's driving home.")  Drive home from school.  Decide that it is taking twice as long as when someone else drives.  Realize that Dad must be starting to trust you because he talks on the phone the whole time. 
9:57 AM - Get home.  Turn on some music because you feel deprvied after 12 hours without it.  Eat more breakfast.
10:22 AM - Get on the computer.  Post facebook status.  ("You know it's getting intense when you go to wipe the sweat off your face and your shirt's already soaking wet.. that or you're really out of shape. ‎#yummy ‎#idowork")  Check e-mail.  Decide to write this blog post.
11:13 AM - Finally take a shower because everyone else has officially started their day.  Make sure you sing.  Loudly.  Keep singing until you spray perfume and start coughing instead.
11:44 AM - French braid your hair and be really proud of yourself  'cause it looks good.
12:01 PM - Play a game with Quiad and Titus.
12:38 PM - Carry in groceries.
12:48 PM - Enjoy lunch.  To the fullest.  Because KFC is awesome.  And so it Aunt Sonja for getting it.
1:00 PM - Do dishes and stuff.
1:24 PM - Play Apples to Apples with Dad, Mom, Morgan, Elaina, Aunt Sonja, and Gonnie.  Have a panic attack because you're pretty sure about to pick Dad's fourth card, but you don't know which one it for sure is, and you pick it anyway.
2:58 PM - Finish Tramp for the Lord by Corrie ten Boom.  Almost cry because it's so good.  Accidentally fall asleep on the couch.
4:02 PM - Get woken up by Dad.  Again.  Go pick up football at the school.  Go to 7 on 7.  Watch 7 on 7.  Stop at Casey's on the way home from 7 on 7 so everyone can buy drinks, and end up with a bunch of food.
9:36 PM - Get home.  Find some food.  Watch the end of Kung Fu Panda with the boys.  Finish this blog post.
10:19 PM - Read your Bible.  Go to sleep.

   I dare you to replicate it. ;)

Choose Joy

   Sometimes I get high on Jesus.  I go deeper, I gain more of Him, I grow in His love.  God reveals Himself to me in a whole new way, and I fall in love with Him all over again.  It's crazy, and it's overwhelming, and it's awesome.
   Sometimes stuff happens.  Sometimes our water heater goes kapoot, my mom gets locked out of the van 45 minutes away, people question my beliefs and my passion, I spend a day sick, friendships are beyond confusing, and a million other little things annoy me in less than a week.  Sometimes I don't get to go to Peru like I had planned.  Sometimes I have writer's block.  Sometimes boys make things... complicated.  Sometimes I realize my summer is going way too fast.  Sometimes I get scared and confused and sometimes people ask what the rest of my life is gonna look like and I have no idea.
   Sometimes happiness is a choice.  Sometimes I cry out to God, and He brings peace to my heart.  Sometimes I remember that I don't have to rely on yesterday's high because His mercies are new every morning.  Sometimes Holy Spirit whispers secrets in my ear, and I end up grinning like an idiot.  Sometimes I decide to laugh in the devil's face even while I'm crying.  Sometimes I choose joy.

via

And We're Laughing in His Face

   The Devil doesn't appreciate it when we smile.  We hates it when we're happy.  He absolutely. can. not. deal. when we go around telling people about our exceeding joy.
   Satan's gonna do everything in his [small] power to bring us down.  He wants us to be depressed, defeated, stuck in a deep, dark hole.  The Devil knows that the joy of the Lord is our strength, and believe me, we scare him when we're strong.  He's gonna send annoyances, conflict, disaster, and sickness to make us feel sad and dejected.  He's pulling out all the stops, holding nothing back.
   And we're laughing in his face.  We have joy, unspeakable joy, because of Christ.  Nothing puts a smile on your face like loving and being loved.  God makes us so happy!  We have joy, and nothing and no one can steal it away.  We have joy, and we are laughing in Satan's face.  We have joy.

via

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;  but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

-1 Peter 4:12-13

 

And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

-Acts 13:52

 

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials.

-James 1:2

 



Ultimate Faith Challenge 2013

I spent the last week in Moberly with Pastor Jason, Miss Emily, and a ton of other crazy awesome people at Cafe41 (the youth ministry of Family Life Fellowship) doing a youth internship and Encounter.  These are journal entries from the week - which was life-changing, in case you're wondering.  Major kudos to you if you read the whole thing! I pray and believe it will bless.  We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Rev 12:11).

Monday, June 23
   For the first day, yeah, it was pretty awesome.  Pastor Jason and Emily are phenomenal.  They're practically adopted me already.  Everyone is like a huge family, and they just let me in as another sister.  It is so easy to love people who love Jesus.  You feel like you already know each other.  I've met soo many awesome people - and I remember most of their names!
   Praise the Lord for Sarah, Sydni, Hannah, and all the young ladies who came and prayed with me this morning.  They are so mature in God.  They will lead many people to know more of His love.
   The prayer walk was awesome.  I had never done one before, but it was super easy to walk through Moberly and pray for God's truth to overcome Satan's lies and deception.  Revival is coming!
   I'll be helping lead KidsNChurch on Sunday.  So excited!  Part of the reason I chose KNC was so I could just stand back and watch Cafe41 in action.  So excited for that, too!  Also super excited for Encounter!  Everyone keeps telling me how great it is.  I feel like I'll burst from anticipation by Thursday night if they don't cut it out.  I can't wait to meet God in a whole new way.
   Even with all that excitement, I'm pooped.  I love You, Jesus!  Bless this night's sleep and the rest of the week.  See You in the morning!

Tuesday, June 24
[in the morning]
   Last night I turned up the music in Miss Emily's car and we were all singing out loud.  When Emily dropped me off, the girl in the backseat (I'm a silly willy for forgetting who it was) said, "I just wanna make sure I tell you this: your voice is anointed by God."  I'm pretty sure she has no idea how much that means to me.  Just sayin'.
[before bed]
   Pretty sure I have never cleaned so much glass in one day.  Cafe41 is is clean (for now) and ready for more kids and more Holy Spirit than ever.  God is going to do awesome things through the youth in charge tomorrow night.  I can't to wait to see the cafe doin' what it does!
   Team-building was awesome this morning.  Granted, somewhat frustrating, but still awesome.  We played "Pipeline," which involves transporting a marble through different-sized PVC pipes.  (Of course, PJ's rules were a bit more complicated, but we'll stick with that.)  I'm convinced my team completed the challenge just because we were smiling the whole time.  Because we're awesome like that.
   I am having so much fun getting to know everyone.  I've been asked "So where do you live?", "Do you know my name/his name/her name?", "Would you consider moving here?", and many more.  Of course, I never have to talk since the "Dynamic Trio" (Michael, David, and Ricky) have this uncanny ability to interpret each of my facial expressions.  Or so I've been told.
   Father, I pray for more of your power, love, and truth tomorrow.  Eliminate distractions and make our  hearts soft and open towards You.  I know that You will give as soon as we are ready to receive.  Praise You, God, for all that You have done and will do.  I love You, Jesus!

Wednesday, June 25
   God spoke in so many ways today.  He showed us once again just how real He is.  Sarah's "happy bubble" seemed to be popped for a while this afternoon, reminding us that the devil is also real, and we have to be ready to stand and fight, but it made a strong return for Cafe tonight.  We have such joy because of Christ.
   The treasure hunt was awesome.  We didn't find the woman God showed me, but we found so many others.  People were surprised because we didn't want anything from them, only to show them God's love.
   Of course, I sweat more during worship at Cafe than did during the treasure hunt.  Yummy.  It was great, and the testimonies shared by some of the other interns were amazing.  I feel soo much closer to a person when I know what God has brought them out of.  Congrats to Sarah for making me cry first, and to David for making me cry the most.  I love them all so much!
   This week just keeps getting better and better, and Encounter starts tomorrow night, so I'm sensing it's all upward from here.  It is sooo good to get to know everyone more and more.  (How many times have I said that?)  They better come visit me.  I know I'll be down here as much as I can!
   Father, I pray Your blessings over the rest of this week.  Help us die to ourselves every day.  We have life only through You, Jesus.  Praise You, God.  Let us exalt Your name even more.  I love You!

Thursday, June 26
   We definitely made up for skipping team building yesterday by playing the tennis ball game.  It's hard to explain without showing, but it was hard - of course the elevator music playing the whole time only added to the intensity.  Drake was praying in tongues while we tried to get the tennis ball through the door. :D We didn't finish the task - silly hunger, silly lunchtime - but we learned a boatload about pride, teamwork, and forgiveness.
   Trying to fill 250 water balloons with these crazy children was quite the adventure.  We got wet.  We laughed.  It was fun.
   Nothing today was anywhere near as fun as the Encounter, though.  All those people kept telling me how awesome Encounter was without actually what Encounter was, and I just realized I'm about to do the same thing to you.  I apologize.  You'll just have to come.
   As soon as Pastor Jason said "boombashinga party" the Spirit washed over me and I started laughing and bawling at the same time.  Mixing those two is the weirdest feeling, but it was great.  I was laughing so hard I couldn't keep my balance, so I ended up lying on the floor giggling and crying for over 5 minutes straight.  I couldn't even take a deep breath.  The joy of the Lord is so strong.
   Praise You, God, for the freedom you gave tonight, and the chains You are going to break tomorrow.  I am sooo in love with You, Jesus.

Friday, June 27
   Praise God for Isaiah 41:18.  "I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water."  God is turning my desert into a rushing river of living water.  He never runs dry.
   So many things happened today that it feels like this morning was a week ago.  I spent half an hour resting in the arms of the Father, and then I laid right back down for 20 minutes more.  His love is so real, so peaceful, so deep, and so comforting.
   I officially have a force field of joy around me.  Ain't nobody poppin' my happy bubble!  I have known the deep, dark pit of depression, and now I know true, everlasting joy.
   I also officially have the gift of tongues.  Praise You God!  I speak in tongues, and I sing in tongues.  It is like nothing else I have ever experienced.  There is such freedom in praising God without having to  stop and think about the words coming out of your mouth.  And you know we're all about freedom!
   I just want to ask for more of the Holy Spirit every day.  (By the way, it's 1:30, and I lost.)  He is always ready to do a new thing.  God, let my fire never go out.  Let my hunger never be satisfied.  Let me never grow comfortable.  There will forever be more of You.  I want it all.

Sunday, June 30
   I just realized that July starts in like an hour.  Seriously.  Time flies when you're having fun!  So cliche, I know, but believe me, Holy Spirit makes everything more fun.
   Like KidsNChurch!  It was sooo much fun.  I love kids, and I adore watching God reveal more of Himself to them.  As big and tough and grown-up as they try to seem, they have such soft hearts and childlike faith.  These kids will amazing things for the Kingdom - and they don't have to wait to be "old enough!"  I got to lead them in worship, be part of a skit for them, teach them an object lesson, and just straight-up hang out with them.  I am so crazy blessed!
   I had a pretty intense fake crying session with Bianca before I left, and Misty told me the other day that I'm required to visit monthly.  I hope Kiatcha knows I was totally serious when we were talking about her shoving everyone into a van and coming to see me.  I already miss these people a boatload!
   Than You sooooo much, Father God, for the opportunity to do this internship.  Bless Niki, Aaron, and Delany for putting up with me sleeping in their home.  I pray that each person who was a part of the internship and Encounter would continue to walk in love.  We never wanna stop growing.  We just want more of You!  Praise You God.

I'm Thinking

1.) I'm so thankful for Beckah Shae and Misty Edwards.  These beautiful women are so in love with Jesus.  I wanna be like them when I grow up.  Their music helps me stay on track in my thought life - their phenomenal voices are just a plus.

 



2.) BJ Higgins was a winner.  Reading I Would Die For You, the book his parents wrote about his short but impactful life, brings me to tears.  His willingness and obedience inspire me so much.  I an learning to listen at all times, knowing that God can use me whenever, wherever, and however He pleases.  I want to live and die for His glory!  Check out prayforbj.com.





3.) I need someone to go to the movies with me.  What have y'all seen lately?  I've been told Monster's University was awesome.  What about Man of Steel?  Opinions, people



4.) Ultimate Faith Challenge is gonna be awesome.  I'm headed to Moberly to take part in the youth internship at Family Life Fellowship, where my parents went to church before they had me.  It will be a week of serving and encountering God!  I'm thinking you guys will get a glimpse of my journal entries when I get back?  I'm sho exshited. :) I'm also still trying to come up with a legit reason to take my boots with me...

 



5.) The third addition to Michaela's family of Abort73.com t-shirts has finally arrived.  They call this color Sangria.  My vocabulary is officially enlarged.  I look forward to the many opportunities Father will bring my way through this shirt.  God, end abortion and bring revival to America.

Cry Out

²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”  ²⁸ And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”  ²⁹ So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”  ³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

-Matthew 14:27-31

 

via

 

   What if Peter hadn't cried out?  What if he would've accepted defeat?  What if he would've been to proud or embarrassed to ask for help?  So many times we step out in faith, believing God will help us do something, only to end up operating in our own strength.  We take our eyes off Him, and as soon as we do we start sinking fast.

   Because we've been going it alone, we think we have to save ourselves.  Our brains go into overdrive.  Why did I ever try this in the first place?  What a stupid idea.  Now look at this mess.  How am I ever going to fix this?  All of a sudden we're flapping our arms, trying to breathe, but running out of air, feeling so helpless.  We are sinking.  We are drowning.

   And all the while Jesus stands in front of us, love in His eyes, waiting for us to ask for help.  We don't have to fix ourselves, save ourselves, clean up after ourselves.  Cry out to Him.  Humble yourself.  Ask for help.  He will grab you by the hand, pull up out of the crashing waves, and watch you take baby steps.  With Him, you can walk on the water.  Cry out to Him.

 

Winners

   There are certain people who just exude awesomeness.  People whom I consider quotable role models.  True winners.  These are some of those people.

• The rebel trumpeter in Shrek 2

Sorry it's in Spanish. :/ Apparently English-speakers don't appreciate him as much as I do.  But you still get the point.  We were watching Shrek 2 yesterday and I literally yelled out, "Winner!" as soon as I saw this.

• Michele Perry

 

Michele left America to take care of orphans in Sudan, giving up "normal" for the supernatural.  God as taught all about love and redemption.  Her book Love Has a Face touched my heart on so many levels.  I reccomend it to all of you.  Michele will make you feel like a winner.

• The Skit Guys

This video made me tear up twice.  Once from laughing so hard, and again from the overwhelming message of God's power and love.  I love everything the Skit Guys do, and this is one of my favorites, so you know I've been quoting it all week.  "Don't touch!!!"

• Whoever came up with these pranks.  And the people brave enough to carry them out.



• Trick Shot Titus

He's just a little toddler. And yes, he has the same name as my bro. 

• This 10-year-old girl

Depth? It was like she tore herself open and gave us a glimpse of her soul. Jus' sayin'.

 

   So live. Love. Laugh. Be a winner.

Fear Cast Out

   Can you tell me why you're so afraid?  You would never admit it to anyone else, but I know you.  I know you're hiding out.  I know you're stuffing your feelings way down inside, hoping against hope that no one will notice.  But I notice you. 
   I know that you are terrified.  You have masked your fears so well that you can't even identify them yourself.  "Are you scared?" "Psshhh, what is there to be scared of?"  But darling, I see you.  You are so afraid of being afraid that you will do whatever it takes to hide the trepidation.  But I know you.
   You are so apprehensive about love.  Fearful of never discovering the man created to complete you - of never being discovered.  You're terrified of becoming Eponine, on your own, watching him shower another with what has been your deepest desire.  Scared, heart breaking just thinking about it, of loving one man all your life, but never receiving his love in return. 
   You're petrified of not finding what I have for you.  You can't stand the thought of being wrong; of spending your life doing good things at bad times; of finally listening to what I have to say, only to misinterpret my words.  Fearful of missing out on the best parts of life.  You are scared to death of tripping, of falling, of getting lost.  But my love, I have already found you.
   I love you more than anyone ever would, ever could.  I have a plan for you - hope and a future for you.  Every good and perfect thing comes from me, and the things I have in store for you are beyond yoru wildest dreams, beyond what you could ever imagine.  I have promised you the desires of your heart, and while your head may think it knows what your heart wants, I know you.  I will give you what your soul longs for.
   I loved you before you loved me back, and I will never, ever stop.  You will never be on your own.  You have been so afraid, but my love is perfect.  I will fill you up with so much love that there will never be room for fear.
   I love you more than human words can express.

~God

with no words left.

i had words. sentences. paragraphs.  floating through my head. piling up.  running out of room in my  brain. 
i sit down to write and they flee. running into each other. forming a jumbled mess. 
my heart. chock-full of undefineable emotions. 
my soul. taken over by innumerable feelings and thoughts. 
me. overwhelmed. 
writing. my escape route. blocked off.

Doors, Windows, Hallways

   They say when God closes a door, He opens a window.  What happens if He closes the window?  Am I stuck in the hallway, enclosed between where I used to be and where I want to go? 
   The window was pretty high off the ground, and I had sat in that hallway for days before being courageous enough to jump out of it.  I had finally climbed up and stood on the sill, terrified of the fall, but thrilled for the freedom.  I had bent my knees, sent up a prayer... and the window slammed in my face, locking me into that hallway once again.
   Now here I sit, in the lonely darkness, knees pulled up to my chin.  Crying.  Desperate.  Hopeless.  Why?  I scream the question, begging for an answer.  Silence.  I scramble through the tight hallway, searching again for an exit I know I won't find. 
   I fall to my knees again, my posture that of one defeated.  Which is how I feel after fighting so hard, only to come up short once more.  Exhausted, determination gone, I know I will never make it out alone. 
   "You are never alone."  I hear the whisper, and I know this is truth.  I remember my Savior, my friend, my eternal, good, powerful God. 
   I know that when closes a door, He opens a window.  When God closes a window, He opens up something better.

C is for Cars

   Being a 15-year-old girl who is pretty much an ignoramus when it comes to automobiles, I don't have that much to say.  I can tell you that I passed my permit test (on the second try... I missed it by one question the first time!), that my dad is adamant that he's talking to me, not himself, when says, "Calm down.  It's gonna be fine.  Just calm down," while I'm driving, and that I'm really not that bad of a driver.
   I could also tell you a ridiculously embarrassing story about how I tore the back bumper halfway off our big-school-bus-van once, or the time I showed up at school smelling like gasoline because the pump didn't shut off, but I think we'll save those narratives for another time...

B is for Best Friend

   Seriously, I have to pick one?  There are way too many awesome people in my life for that.  How 'bout I narrow it down to two?  Bridesmaids?  Yeah, these two pretty much have a guaranteed spot.

   Justice Fae Marie Sly is fiery, noble, making-me-smile, "crazi," and adorable.  She's been practically adopted into the family.  Justice calls my daddy "Dad," and my daddy calls her "Liberty Ann."  We pretty much complete each other - plus she remembers all the things that I forget.  She recently became a part of God's family, and I am so proud of the way she is growing in the Lord. 
   We have so many memories that I could never fit all of them into one blog post.  We compete constantly (I can scrunch my face more, spin longer, and beat her at laser tag), but we have never gotten into a fight.  We've been on TV together!  I trust her with my secrets.  People give us odd looks because we laugh at things they don't understand.  I love Justice to death.

 

hahaha we were winners in 7th grade

   Brenna Marie Hawk (I totally just realized that they have the same middle name! That right there is what you call an epiphany.) is my peace-loving, beautiful, loyal, sweet, opinionated bestie for life. She is the one who still stayed in touch with me after I moved four times - and then she up and left for Costa Rica! Missionary kids are awesome. We're still trying to find a way for me to get down there. I should totally show up and surprise her for her birthday like I did a few years ago! That was one of the best days of my life. ;) In the meantime, I learn Spanish.

   As I run around with my head in the clouds, Brenna somehow helps me keep my feet on the ground. She's like a rock! A rock with a really pretty smile. We laugh at each other's mistakes and help each other out with the complicated parts of life.  I'm pretty sure I would be lost without this chica.

 

Facetime!!

 

Her view <3

 

outside their house in Costa Rica

 

Heartstrings

   My heartstrings pull me every which way.  They are wrapped around the beating vessel, knotted and twisted, tangled like a plate of spaghetti.  Some are worn thin; they look like they could break at any moment.  Others are ribbons, the pretty, frivilous kind.  Still more are thick chains, binding my heart, leaving no escape.
   They are pulled by unseen forces, tugging, tugging, tugging at my heart.  I want to compromise, find a way to please everyone, but I have to pick only one.  My heart is being destroyed, waiting for me to choose.  Each time I start I to go one way I am overcome with doubt, turning around and ending up back where I started.  The strings keep pulling, dragging, fighting to win.
   Will one overcome?  Strings will be broken, connections will be severed.  Will my heart be broken, torn by the forces pulling it beyond its limit?  Where will it end?  Will the struggle and choas become peace?  Am I stuck in this place of pain and confusion?
    Jesus, win this tug-of-war.

A is for Animals

   Finallt starting this blogging challenge, and supposed to be writing about pets I used to have, pets I do have, and pets I want to have.  Animals. :)
   When I was born my parents were... "dorm parents" per say.  They babysat the college kids with their dog, Rufus.  Rufus got over-the-top protective when I was born, and we've never had a dog since.  I did have a goldfish for about a week and a half when I was little... I harbored anger over his death for years.
   We have no pets at my house.  Depressing, I know.  My mom always said that she had enough training to do with all of us kids, so she didn't need any other animals running around.  For soem reason she never believed us when we said we would take care of everything.
   Horses are my favorite.  I have dreamed of owning a horse since I was a little girl.  Obsessed much?  Maybe.  I can't wait to make that dream become a reality.  For now, I settle for His Ranch.  They will certainly do, and so will these pictures from my beloved Pinterest.

 

 

Alphabet Challenge?

   Yes, I know, I know.  I haven't blogged in forever!  I feel horrific for abandoning you guys like that, and I miss you!  I have so crazy busy lately (three track meets this week!) that by the time I get home I pretty much wanna eat, shower, and sleep.  Kinda three of my favorite thing right now.  Anyway, in an effort to get back in the swing of things and such, I am starting an alphabet blogging challenge from Emily.  It goes a little something like this:

• A: Animals... talk about any pets you have, had, or want.
• B: Best Friend
• C: Cars... talk about your first car, the car you have now, any accidents, driving pet peeves, etc.
• D: Day in the Life of Me
• E: Embarrassing Moment
• F: Faith... where are you now?
• G: Growing Up... share a few childhood photos and stories.
• H: Hairstyles... what your hair looks like now, ugliest haircut, haircut you want, etc.
• I: Interesting Facts About You
• J: Jokes
• K: Kicking the Bucket... share your bucket list.
• L: Love... what are you looking for in a significant other?
• M: Music
• N: Nothing... talk about something entirely random for a day.
• O: Old... what kind of old person do you want to be?
• P: Poem
• Q: Questions and Answers... have a Q&A with some of your readers.
• R: Reading... what are you reading?
• S: Smile... five reasons YOU smile.
• T: Typing... take a typing test and share it.
• U: Underdog... what's an underdog you can't help but stand up for?
• V: Vacations... vacations you've taken or dream vacations.
• W: Wearing... what is your favorite outfit?
• X: X-Treme... something crazy you've done.
• Y: Youth... in what ways are you still a kid at heart?
• Z: Zen... what calms you down?

   This is probably not an every-single-day thing, considering the whole "so crazy busy" thing, but I will finish.  Now I said it, so ya'll hold me accountable!
   Feel free to join in down in the comments or on your own blog.  I'm excited!

Captivated

CAPTIVATE:

to influence and dominate by some special charm, art, or trait and with an irresistable appeal

 

   I want to live my life captivated by Christ.  I want Him to be top priority, to place more value in Him than anyone else.  I want to tune in to His voice, focus on His plans.  I want to let him be the dominating influence in my life.

   He is my groom and I am His bride.  I want to fall even deeper, more madly in love with Him.  I want to passionately pursue Him with all that I am.  I want my brain to be dominated by thoughts about Jesus.  I want to get caught daydreaming about Him, a smile playing on my lips.
   My Jesus is
     strong,
      loving,
       protective,
        beautiful,
         worthy,
          charming,
           unafraid,
            perfect.
   My Jesus is
     utterly captivating.
         

God Speaks

   God works in mysterious ways. God works in many, many different ways.  In my life, he often teaches me through my own writing.  So many of the things that you read on my blog are simply me telling you what God has told me.
   When I tell you all the reasons why you don't need a boyfriend, that's God reminding me that I can wait to date.  When I write about living without fear of death, that's God giving me words as fast as I can get them on paper.  When I tell the story of the girl who struggles with self-harm, that's because God has told me to reach out to her.  It's me sitting at my computer with tears in my eyes.  It's my heart overwhelmed with conviction. 
   So while you may think I'm writing to you, I'm really writing to me.  I'm persuading, encouraging, chiding myself.  While you may think my words are meant to express disappointment and anger and tell you what you to do, they are really giving direction to me.  While you may think I'm talking to you, God is really talking to me.