yupp. he's real.

   On the search for great literature yesterday, I searched the library for every book under the name C.S. Lewis, and I finally got my hands on The Screwtape Letters. It contains the correspondence of Screwtape, a high-ranking demon, to his young nephew Wormwood. It is hilarious and sobering all at the same time.
   See, Lewis' satire is a reminder of something God iterated over and over in the Bible: the devil is real.
   There are some things that we as Christians like to gloss over. This is one of them. I mean, who wants to talk about someone whose entire existence revolves around ruining - and taking - our lives? Some would consider that inappropriate discussion for the dinner table.
   The reality though, is that we need to discuss the devil and his minions. As Lewis said in the preface to The Screwtape Letters, "There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors."
   Satan was kicked out of Heaven because he imagine himself higher and better than God, and he is still operating under this ridiculous pretense. If you read the list of goals taped to his mirror you'll see the opposites of everything God plans to do. God has plans to give us "a hope and a future." The devil wants to steal everything that might give us joy. Jesus came to give "life... and more abundantly." The devil comes "to steal, and to kill, and to destroy." God loves us unconditionally. Satan hates our guts.
   The devil's main weapon is lies. John 8:44 says, "He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." He takes the Bible's truth and twists it around. He deceives us by influencing those around us. He toys with our emotions. Anything to steal us away from Father God.
   But here's the thing: he can't. Jesus himself said in John 10:29, "My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand." For any temptation offered us, Jesus promises a way out. He cast out demons, and he gave us authority to do the same. All authority in Heaven and on Earth! He has given everything we need to kick Satan's butt. Just check out Ephesians 6:10-18. The Bible says, "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." And always remember that there is power in the name of Jesus. Satan has no chance against the power of God that is in you!
   So yes, the devil is real. Yes, he is alive. Yes, he "prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 
   But. He also sucks. And he's a loser. And a coward. So bam.

more scriptures about the devil's poopy-ness:

1 John 3:8

Matt 4:1-11

James 4:7

1 Peter 5:8

John 10:10

the greatness of God and the crappiness of me

   Last Wednesday of going to Moberly with Elaina, Bethany, and my momma for 41 Night, which is a monthly event put on by Café 41 Student Ministries. Remember back in the day when I did a week-long leadership internship and it rocked my world? Yeah. Same people.
   The night was great enough simply because I got to see so many people that I love, and because we played ninja, and because there were so many hug and smiles and laughter, and because they gave us pizza and M&Ms. But on top of it all, Jesus was there. And you never know what Jesus is gonna do.
   We kicked the night off with worship, and about ten minutes in I was overwhelmed by the greatness of God and the crappiness of me. I sat on butt and started crying and yelled at God. "I've messed up so many times! I don't even know how many times." God, being God, just let me ramble. "I always say I'm going to follow you, and then I blow it! I suck, God. How do you still love me??"
   When I finally had to pause for breath, the silence was overwhelming. And then God hit me with His four-word comeback. "I can handle you," He said.
   And that shut me up.
   Because if Jesus says He can handle me, then He can handle me. And if He can handle me, then He can handle all of me, all of the time. And if He can handle all of me, all of the time, then I don't have to worry. I don't have to stress.
   Honestly, God is so impressive. Because honestly, most people cannot handle me. Maybe for a minute, but then they don't know what to do and they have to take a break and then either they give up or we awkwardly try again. But God is not like that. He's so constant. I don't have to try to make Him like me. He already does. In fact, He already did. And He already will.
  So yeah, my crappiness is pretty impressive. But God's greatness wins every time.

show them

   It's so easy for us to spout a "Jesus loves you!" and move on like we've done something. We think we've fulfilled our Christian duty for the day, and we feel good about ourselves. I mean, there's nothing wrong with speaking the truth. It is highly encouraged, even. But it's not enough
   The reality is, it doesn't matter what we say to people. They want proof. They're saying, "Oh, Jesus loves me? Show me."
   So what do we do? We turn around and pray. We ask God to show them His love, or to send someone who can do so. But here's the thing: we can do so. Me, you, us. We don't have to sit and hope a preacher or a missionary or an expert shows up. We have experienced the love of Christ! We have met God! We have been filled with the Holy Spirit! Isn't it our job God to show people God's love? Our responsibility? Our heart's deepest desire?
   I dunno. I just remember reading somewhere that we are the body of Christ. That we are to love like He loved us. That our sole purpose is to show forth His glory. And I know that it's not enough for us to talk about it. We have to live it.
   People need more. They need real and they need raw. So don't be afraid. Hang out with the outcasts, the sinners, the least of these, whether they realize they are or not. Talk about the struggles. Talk about the dirty stuff. Talk about the truth. Accept people. Meet them where they are. Love like Jesus.
   Next time you tell them God love them, they might believe it.
  

not about me

   The nice thing about God is that He never changes. I get so gosh-dang tired of confusion and drama and always growing older every minute every second of every day. And then there's God. Always there. Right next to me. Strong and steady. Never changing. Never moving.
   About five days before I moved this summer, we went to a youth night at my church. There was mud and pizza and I actually have scars from that night and our team won, but more importantly God spoke profoundly to me during worship. In fact, here's the video of the exact song when He nailed me in the face with truth. I'm the girl in the front with the blue t-shirt and the heart overwhelmed.
   I was moving away from that church and those people and that place, and I was scared and I was confused. I was in the middle of reminding God of all the things He had done for me and through me there. He had given me true friends, we had started the Jesus Parties, people had been saved. I truly was excited to move to a new place with new people and new opportunities, but during this song, I finally admitted that I was scared.
   I was scared that I wouldn't be able to do the things I had done in Lewis County. Scared I wouldn't be able to make friends. Scared I would disappoint Him.
   Finally God interrupted my tirade to remind me that it is not about me. And it never has been. He said, "Well, truth is, you won't be able to do any of those things. Never. Not without me." But with God, I can.
   See, I moved to a different place. There's a different culture, different people, different a lot of things. But God is still my God. And he's the same God he was in all the nine other places I've lived. He's still strong, good, merciful, all-powerful, loving, and holy. With Him, I can do anything. And I am. And I will.

you. are not. alone.

   Have you ever wondered why people listen to sad music they're sad? I mean, what the heck? It doesn't make sense. Why would we do that to ourselves? It just intensifies the sadness. Right?
   Well, I realized something while I was sitting here at my computer feeling stupid for listening to sad music when I was sad. Listening to other people sing about their loneliness makes us realize we're not the only ones who've been lonely. Listening to someone sing about their tears makes us realize we're not the only ones who've cried. Listening to other people sing about their pain makes us realize we're not the only ones who've been hurting.
   That's the thing about depression. It convinces you that you're alone. It says that no one understands, no one can help, no one cares. Depression isolates you. It wants you believe that no one else is struggling like you are.
   So here's what I want you to know. Depression is a liar. You are not the only one. There is hope. There is so much hope. And there is help. And there is still good.
   I want you to know that you are not alone.

faith means

   Faith does not mean I know what's gonna happen. It just means I know the One who does know. It means I know that He is good, that He has a plan for me, and that His plan is better than anything I could ever come up with.

   Faith doesn't mean there won't be struggles. It means that when struggles come, the joy of the Lord will be my strength. It means He will never put more on me than I can bear, and that He will work all things together for my good.

   Honestly, this situation sucks. It's hard. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what's gonna happen, and I hate not knowing things. But I have faith in the One who knows all things. I know that in my weakness God is strong. I know that His perfect love casts out all fear, and that He will glorified in this.

   Faith doesn't mean it's not hard. It just means I don't have to be afraid.

Jeremiah 29:11

Nehemiah 8:10

1 Corinthians 10:13

Romans 8:28

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

1 John 4:18

things we wish were true

   Sometimes we say things over and over again until we believe them. Things we wish were true, things we're trying to make true. It's as if repetition of a statement proves its factuality.
   Sometimes we say things over and over again to other people until they believe them. And heck, if everyone else believes, why shouldn't we?
   Sometimes we say things over and over again, out loud and in our heads, trying desperately to persuade ourselves of their truth. Sometimes we want so badly to convince ourselves that we convince ourselves that we have convinced ourselves. Sometimes we buy it. Sometimes we take our wishful thinking and make it our reality.
   But sometimes there's a little piece of our hearts, way deep down, that's not so sure.

but He knows

   So she keeps her mouth shut. And she goes on with her happy little life. And she helps everyone else. And she buries herself in novels. And when it's quiet she lets her brain run wild. And she stands in the shower until the water runs cold. And she thinks no one knows.
   But He knows. And He never leaves her side. And still He loves her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

-Joshua 1:9

Was Jesus For Real?

            I just want to know if Jesus was being serious. I mean, sure, we all believe the parts that say that He came to save the world, not to condemn it, that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, that nothing can separate us from His love. What about the rest of it?

            We as the church embrace the parts of the gospel that we like and plaster them on our signs, posters, wristbands, t-shirts, and memory verse cards, and we ditch the rest. We take to heart the parts that save us and ignore the parts that convict us. Is it really OK for us to pick and choose? Are we really worshipping Jesus, or some idol of our own creation that vaguely resembles Him?

            What if Jesus visited our churches? Just imagine. Would He be impressed by the really cool worship band, or the conferences and classes and programs, or the brand-spanking-new building, or the number of people in the sanctuary? I don’t think so. I think He would be appalled. I think He would be appalled at our selfishness, our focus on material things, and our lack of love.

            You see, the same Jesus who calls us to come to Him said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, follow me.” The same Jesus who was moved with compassion commanded us to love our neighbor as ourselves. The same Jesus who went to prepare a place for us had no place to lay His head. He said, “If you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Have we broadened the straight and narrow? He told us to turn the other cheek, to love our enemies and bless those who curse us. We are commanded to take care of orphans and widows. He said, “If any man take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.”

            Was Jesus being serious?

            We are supposed to be like a Man who never did anything wrong, yet was hated; who was a King, yet came to serve. We are supposed to love like He loved. We are supposed to live like a Man who died.

            So I just want to know: What if we took that seriously?

Learning What Persecution Is

          Some of us don’t even know what persecution is. We’ve gone through our nice, little, churchy lives, loving what Jesus did for us, but never doing anything radical for Him. It’s like we thought going to church was enough, reading our Bibles was enough, trying to be a nice person was enough. It’s like we were asleep.

          But now we’re awake. The delusion is shattered. All of a sudden, we are more in love with Jesus than we thought possible, willing to do anything for Him, so excited about God that we assume everyone else will be, too.

          But they won’t. Beloved, the world is still sleeping. They don’t want us making a bunch of noise, trying to wake them up. They’re comfortable, and our passion will make them uncomfortable.

          They will be mad at us when our Jesus talk rouses them. They will tell us to shut up, they will throw things at us, they will cuss us out, they will call the authorities. They will hate us like they hated Him.

          Don’t be surprised. We have to be prepared for our friends to leaves, to lose some of our popularity, to be denied opportunities, to be ridiculed and excluded and shunned. We must be willing to be treated like Jesus was treated. And still we must love like Jesus loved.

“But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”

-Matthew 5:44

“And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name. And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ.”

-Acts 5:41-42

“Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in Heaven.”

-Luke 6:22-23

Glory

Me: God, I wanna see You! I wanna see Your glory! I wanna see Your glory.

God: You’re gonna have to get rid of some of your glory to make room for mine.

Me: *cry*

God: Even when you’re doing something for Me, you’re doing it to glorify yourself. You want people to look at you and be amazed by how good of a Christian you are, by how much you love Me. I want people to look at you and see Me.

Me: *cry*

Song: Your love never fails, it never runs out, it never gives up on me..

Me: God, I wanna love people like you love them. I want my love to be like Yours!

God: No. You just want more of my love.

 

I don’t need a better Michaela.  I just need a perfect God.

Be Like Jesus

   You say you want your heart to break for what breaks His.  Could you handle that pain, that constant ache?  He cries for the ones who disgust you, the ones you walk by on the other side of the street.  He longs for the ones you don’t think are worth your time, the ones you reject.  His heart breaks for every abandoned girl, every aborted baby, every lonely heart.
   You say you wanna be like Jesus.  Are you sure?  He hung out with sinners: liars, thieves, prostitutes, hypocrites.  He loved the ones everyone else hated.
   The lepers thought He would keep His distance.  He healed them with a single touch.  The religious leaders thought He would appreciate their “righteousness.”  He appreciated the ones who knew they didn’t deserve His attention. 
    He smashed expectations to bits.  He pieced broken hearts back together.  He was loved by a few, hated by many.  His own town, the people He grew up with, rejected Him.  His parents didn’t understand Him.  The very crowd who cried, “Hosanna” shouted, “Crucify Him!”
     You say you wanna live like Jesus.  Do you realize He died?

Forgiven

   The words of Luke 7:36-50 tell one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.
   I can see it now.  All these men gathered around the Pharisee's table, enjoying a nice, calm, normal meal.  They're probably discussing politics, religion, or maybe something tamer, like the weather.  The disciples are relieved Jesus hasn't done anything weird or radical for once. 
   Out in the city, the atmosphere is a little different.  As soon as Mary Magdalene hears the rumor that Jesus is at the Pharisee's house, she knows she has to go.  She runs to the place where she hid the alabaster box and books it to where Jesus is.
   Standing outside the door, Mary tries to still her beating heart.  She knows she has to risk everything to gain it all.  Suddenly nothing matters except for Jesus, and she goes after Him with her whole heart.
   The room suddenly goes still when Mary walks in.  Her reputation as a "sinner" is known far and wide.  They see her alabaster box full of perfume, and they know how someone like her got the money for something so expensive.  Every man at the table is judging her, looking down on her from the pedestals they've placed tehmselves upon. 
   Every man, that is, except for Jesus.  He turns to face Mary Magdalene, His eyes full of love, but can't bring herself to look at His face.  She looks at no one, staring at the Savior's feet, focused on the task at hand.  All of a sudden she is bawling her eyes out, her tears splashing onto His feet, washing away the dirt and grime.  She wipes Jesus' feet with her hair, kisses them all over, and annoints them with every drop of the sweet smelling perfume.
   The Pharisee who had invited Jesus is thinking to hinself, If He were a prophet He would know what kind of woman is touching Him, and if He knew what kind of woman she was, there is no way He'd let her touch Him.  Our Lord knew his thoughts, and, not even acknowledging him, turned to Simon, saying, "Do you see this woman?  I entered into your house, you gave me no water for my feet, but she has washed my feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.  You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not stopped kissing my feet since she came in.  You did not annoint my head with oil, but this woman has annointed my feet with ointment.  Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much, but to whom little is forgiven, the same love little."  Let me tell you, nothing hurts worse than being humbled/knocked off your pedestal/burned by Jesus.  Instead of looking down on Mary, now every person in the room knows that she has something they lack.
   It is in this moment that Mary Magdalene finally dares to look up.  She locks eyes with Jesus, and she knows she will never, ever look away.  She has poured everything of value upon the feet of Jesus - the perfume, her love, her old life, her identity, her whole self.  Everything is His.
   And He says unto the woman, "Thy sins are forgiven. Thy faith has saved thee; go in peace."
   Forgiven.

Don't Be Satisfied

   Why do you think you've already arrived?  Why do you think praying a prayer and getting saved is all there is? Why do think this is as good as it gets?
   God has so much more for you!  He wants to give you freedom and relieve you of your burdens.  He was to give joy unspeakable and peace unthinkable.  He wants to give you power.  He wants to give you more and more of His Spirit everyday.  He wants to give you wonderful things - beyond what you could ever ask or even imagine.
   God wants to be in fellowship with you.  He wants you to know Him.  He wants you to spend time with Him.  He wants you to fall deep, deep, deep in love with Him.
   So stop running around in circles, moving but never getting anywhere.  Stop being ok with that.  Stop being complacent.  Stop spinning your wheels, caught up in old habits, old lies, old you.
   Go after Him!  Run.  Chase.  Get so excited that you trip over your own feet on the way to Him.  Don't stop until you've reached the finish line.  Don't stop until you're there, dancing with Jesus on streets of gold. 
   Want Him.  Desire Him.  Need Him.  And don't ever be satisfied.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

-James 4:8

 



Choose Joy

   Sometimes I get high on Jesus.  I go deeper, I gain more of Him, I grow in His love.  God reveals Himself to me in a whole new way, and I fall in love with Him all over again.  It's crazy, and it's overwhelming, and it's awesome.
   Sometimes stuff happens.  Sometimes our water heater goes kapoot, my mom gets locked out of the van 45 minutes away, people question my beliefs and my passion, I spend a day sick, friendships are beyond confusing, and a million other little things annoy me in less than a week.  Sometimes I don't get to go to Peru like I had planned.  Sometimes I have writer's block.  Sometimes boys make things... complicated.  Sometimes I realize my summer is going way too fast.  Sometimes I get scared and confused and sometimes people ask what the rest of my life is gonna look like and I have no idea.
   Sometimes happiness is a choice.  Sometimes I cry out to God, and He brings peace to my heart.  Sometimes I remember that I don't have to rely on yesterday's high because His mercies are new every morning.  Sometimes Holy Spirit whispers secrets in my ear, and I end up grinning like an idiot.  Sometimes I decide to laugh in the devil's face even while I'm crying.  Sometimes I choose joy.

via

And We're Laughing in His Face

   The Devil doesn't appreciate it when we smile.  We hates it when we're happy.  He absolutely. can. not. deal. when we go around telling people about our exceeding joy.
   Satan's gonna do everything in his [small] power to bring us down.  He wants us to be depressed, defeated, stuck in a deep, dark hole.  The Devil knows that the joy of the Lord is our strength, and believe me, we scare him when we're strong.  He's gonna send annoyances, conflict, disaster, and sickness to make us feel sad and dejected.  He's pulling out all the stops, holding nothing back.
   And we're laughing in his face.  We have joy, unspeakable joy, because of Christ.  Nothing puts a smile on your face like loving and being loved.  God makes us so happy!  We have joy, and nothing and no one can steal it away.  We have joy, and we are laughing in Satan's face.  We have joy.

via

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;  but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.

-1 Peter 4:12-13

 

And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.

-Acts 13:52

 

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials.

-James 1:2

 



Cry Out

²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”  ²⁸ And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”  ²⁹ So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”  ³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

-Matthew 14:27-31

 

via

 

   What if Peter hadn't cried out?  What if he would've accepted defeat?  What if he would've been to proud or embarrassed to ask for help?  So many times we step out in faith, believing God will help us do something, only to end up operating in our own strength.  We take our eyes off Him, and as soon as we do we start sinking fast.

   Because we've been going it alone, we think we have to save ourselves.  Our brains go into overdrive.  Why did I ever try this in the first place?  What a stupid idea.  Now look at this mess.  How am I ever going to fix this?  All of a sudden we're flapping our arms, trying to breathe, but running out of air, feeling so helpless.  We are sinking.  We are drowning.

   And all the while Jesus stands in front of us, love in His eyes, waiting for us to ask for help.  We don't have to fix ourselves, save ourselves, clean up after ourselves.  Cry out to Him.  Humble yourself.  Ask for help.  He will grab you by the hand, pull up out of the crashing waves, and watch you take baby steps.  With Him, you can walk on the water.  Cry out to Him.

 

Fear Cast Out

   Can you tell me why you're so afraid?  You would never admit it to anyone else, but I know you.  I know you're hiding out.  I know you're stuffing your feelings way down inside, hoping against hope that no one will notice.  But I notice you. 
   I know that you are terrified.  You have masked your fears so well that you can't even identify them yourself.  "Are you scared?" "Psshhh, what is there to be scared of?"  But darling, I see you.  You are so afraid of being afraid that you will do whatever it takes to hide the trepidation.  But I know you.
   You are so apprehensive about love.  Fearful of never discovering the man created to complete you - of never being discovered.  You're terrified of becoming Eponine, on your own, watching him shower another with what has been your deepest desire.  Scared, heart breaking just thinking about it, of loving one man all your life, but never receiving his love in return. 
   You're petrified of not finding what I have for you.  You can't stand the thought of being wrong; of spending your life doing good things at bad times; of finally listening to what I have to say, only to misinterpret my words.  Fearful of missing out on the best parts of life.  You are scared to death of tripping, of falling, of getting lost.  But my love, I have already found you.
   I love you more than anyone ever would, ever could.  I have a plan for you - hope and a future for you.  Every good and perfect thing comes from me, and the things I have in store for you are beyond yoru wildest dreams, beyond what you could ever imagine.  I have promised you the desires of your heart, and while your head may think it knows what your heart wants, I know you.  I will give you what your soul longs for.
   I loved you before you loved me back, and I will never, ever stop.  You will never be on your own.  You have been so afraid, but my love is perfect.  I will fill you up with so much love that there will never be room for fear.
   I love you more than human words can express.

~God

Doors, Windows, Hallways

   They say when God closes a door, He opens a window.  What happens if He closes the window?  Am I stuck in the hallway, enclosed between where I used to be and where I want to go? 
   The window was pretty high off the ground, and I had sat in that hallway for days before being courageous enough to jump out of it.  I had finally climbed up and stood on the sill, terrified of the fall, but thrilled for the freedom.  I had bent my knees, sent up a prayer... and the window slammed in my face, locking me into that hallway once again.
   Now here I sit, in the lonely darkness, knees pulled up to my chin.  Crying.  Desperate.  Hopeless.  Why?  I scream the question, begging for an answer.  Silence.  I scramble through the tight hallway, searching again for an exit I know I won't find. 
   I fall to my knees again, my posture that of one defeated.  Which is how I feel after fighting so hard, only to come up short once more.  Exhausted, determination gone, I know I will never make it out alone. 
   "You are never alone."  I hear the whisper, and I know this is truth.  I remember my Savior, my friend, my eternal, good, powerful God. 
   I know that when closes a door, He opens a window.  When God closes a window, He opens up something better.

Heartstrings

   My heartstrings pull me every which way.  They are wrapped around the beating vessel, knotted and twisted, tangled like a plate of spaghetti.  Some are worn thin; they look like they could break at any moment.  Others are ribbons, the pretty, frivilous kind.  Still more are thick chains, binding my heart, leaving no escape.
   They are pulled by unseen forces, tugging, tugging, tugging at my heart.  I want to compromise, find a way to please everyone, but I have to pick only one.  My heart is being destroyed, waiting for me to choose.  Each time I start I to go one way I am overcome with doubt, turning around and ending up back where I started.  The strings keep pulling, dragging, fighting to win.
   Will one overcome?  Strings will be broken, connections will be severed.  Will my heart be broken, torn by the forces pulling it beyond its limit?  Where will it end?  Will the struggle and choas become peace?  Am I stuck in this place of pain and confusion?
    Jesus, win this tug-of-war.