God loves you.

God is never going to love you more than He does right now.

So stop trying to make Him.

            Beloved, He loved you before your parents even thought about you – before your parents even thought about each other. He loved you while you were in your mother’s womb. He loved you while He planned every little, wonderful detail of you. He loved when you first came into this world, wide-eyed and clueless.

He loved you the first time you lied. He loved you when you were disrespectful to your parents. He loved you when you learned what jealousy was. He loved you when you gave yourself away. He loved you when sin blackened your heart. He loved you while you hated Him.

His love for you was beyond measure in the beginning, when He created you. Guess what, my dear? It never changed. It never will.

So stop. Stop trying to make up for your existence. Stop trying to fake perfection. Stop trying to be good enough to love.

He planned you. He wants you. He knew you couldn’t achieve righteousness, so He gave you His. He desires you. He says you are beautiful. He loves you.

And He’ll never stop.

Forgiven

   The words of Luke 7:36-50 tell one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read.
   I can see it now.  All these men gathered around the Pharisee's table, enjoying a nice, calm, normal meal.  They're probably discussing politics, religion, or maybe something tamer, like the weather.  The disciples are relieved Jesus hasn't done anything weird or radical for once. 
   Out in the city, the atmosphere is a little different.  As soon as Mary Magdalene hears the rumor that Jesus is at the Pharisee's house, she knows she has to go.  She runs to the place where she hid the alabaster box and books it to where Jesus is.
   Standing outside the door, Mary tries to still her beating heart.  She knows she has to risk everything to gain it all.  Suddenly nothing matters except for Jesus, and she goes after Him with her whole heart.
   The room suddenly goes still when Mary walks in.  Her reputation as a "sinner" is known far and wide.  They see her alabaster box full of perfume, and they know how someone like her got the money for something so expensive.  Every man at the table is judging her, looking down on her from the pedestals they've placed tehmselves upon. 
   Every man, that is, except for Jesus.  He turns to face Mary Magdalene, His eyes full of love, but can't bring herself to look at His face.  She looks at no one, staring at the Savior's feet, focused on the task at hand.  All of a sudden she is bawling her eyes out, her tears splashing onto His feet, washing away the dirt and grime.  She wipes Jesus' feet with her hair, kisses them all over, and annoints them with every drop of the sweet smelling perfume.
   The Pharisee who had invited Jesus is thinking to hinself, If He were a prophet He would know what kind of woman is touching Him, and if He knew what kind of woman she was, there is no way He'd let her touch Him.  Our Lord knew his thoughts, and, not even acknowledging him, turned to Simon, saying, "Do you see this woman?  I entered into your house, you gave me no water for my feet, but she has washed my feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.  You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not stopped kissing my feet since she came in.  You did not annoint my head with oil, but this woman has annointed my feet with ointment.  Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much, but to whom little is forgiven, the same love little."  Let me tell you, nothing hurts worse than being humbled/knocked off your pedestal/burned by Jesus.  Instead of looking down on Mary, now every person in the room knows that she has something they lack.
   It is in this moment that Mary Magdalene finally dares to look up.  She locks eyes with Jesus, and she knows she will never, ever look away.  She has poured everything of value upon the feet of Jesus - the perfume, her love, her old life, her identity, her whole self.  Everything is His.
   And He says unto the woman, "Thy sins are forgiven. Thy faith has saved thee; go in peace."
   Forgiven.

Fear Cast Out

   Can you tell me why you're so afraid?  You would never admit it to anyone else, but I know you.  I know you're hiding out.  I know you're stuffing your feelings way down inside, hoping against hope that no one will notice.  But I notice you. 
   I know that you are terrified.  You have masked your fears so well that you can't even identify them yourself.  "Are you scared?" "Psshhh, what is there to be scared of?"  But darling, I see you.  You are so afraid of being afraid that you will do whatever it takes to hide the trepidation.  But I know you.
   You are so apprehensive about love.  Fearful of never discovering the man created to complete you - of never being discovered.  You're terrified of becoming Eponine, on your own, watching him shower another with what has been your deepest desire.  Scared, heart breaking just thinking about it, of loving one man all your life, but never receiving his love in return. 
   You're petrified of not finding what I have for you.  You can't stand the thought of being wrong; of spending your life doing good things at bad times; of finally listening to what I have to say, only to misinterpret my words.  Fearful of missing out on the best parts of life.  You are scared to death of tripping, of falling, of getting lost.  But my love, I have already found you.
   I love you more than anyone ever would, ever could.  I have a plan for you - hope and a future for you.  Every good and perfect thing comes from me, and the things I have in store for you are beyond yoru wildest dreams, beyond what you could ever imagine.  I have promised you the desires of your heart, and while your head may think it knows what your heart wants, I know you.  I will give you what your soul longs for.
   I loved you before you loved me back, and I will never, ever stop.  You will never be on your own.  You have been so afraid, but my love is perfect.  I will fill you up with so much love that there will never be room for fear.
   I love you more than human words can express.

~God

Captivated

CAPTIVATE:

to influence and dominate by some special charm, art, or trait and with an irresistable appeal

 

   I want to live my life captivated by Christ.  I want Him to be top priority, to place more value in Him than anyone else.  I want to tune in to His voice, focus on His plans.  I want to let him be the dominating influence in my life.

   He is my groom and I am His bride.  I want to fall even deeper, more madly in love with Him.  I want to passionately pursue Him with all that I am.  I want my brain to be dominated by thoughts about Jesus.  I want to get caught daydreaming about Him, a smile playing on my lips.
   My Jesus is
     strong,
      loving,
       protective,
        beautiful,
         worthy,
          charming,
           unafraid,
            perfect.
   My Jesus is
     utterly captivating.
         

Boys, Fun, and Other Topics of Interest

   "Get a boyfriend," they said.  "It'll be fun," they said.  Well, in the wise and wonderful words of Jamie Grace, "You know what else is fun?  A dog!"  Seriously, there are about a bajillion ways I could have fun - without dating a single boy.
   What if dating is not as much fun as everyone keeps telling me it is?  What if it means spending my days working to impress him, and not make him mad at me, and figure out what on Earth he really is feeling right now?  Or what if having a boyfriend is fun; it's the not having that's more the opposite.
   What if I just don't want a boyfriend right now?  Honestly, somewhere deep inside me, I desire love and relationship.  But what if a boyfriend can't fulfill that desire?  What if I don't want a boyfriend at all?
   I want someone who will love me for me, and no one else.  I want someone who is a man of God.  I want to be able to talk about everything, or sit in silences that aren't awkward.  I want someone who is willing wait for me. 
   What I really want... is true love.

God Uses Even Nasty Bananas

   This past Friday I gave the devotion at our FCA 5th Quarter.  It was last-minute orginization, but God had lain something on my heart two week ago.  By Friday at about 2:00, I knew exactly what I was going to share with 100 kids from my school.
   I started out by reading the story of the woman at the well.  Almost no one knew the story, but this was no where near the most exciting part of the night.  Read about the woman at the well for yourself in John chapter 4.

 

   Next I invited two friends to help me out - and they brought a banana.  As she unpeeled the banana, the first girl said, "We all have a protective outer layer that we try to use to cover up our screw-ups, stupidity, and sticky situations.  But it's still obvious that we aren't perfect." And then she slobbered on it.

 

   The banana was then passed to girl-in-the-middle, who talked about how God sees our messiness on the surface, but He still wants us to spill everything.  He isn't disgusted by us, and He still wants to go deeper into who we are.  And the saliva slid down the fruit in front of her, and she started to freak out a little, but she pulled herself together.  She took a bite off the already repulsive banana, and she spit it back out, and she put it into my hand.

 

   "God sees all of... this," I said, gesturing to the nastiness in my palm, "and still He doesn't reject us."  Father sees our lying, our cheating, and our disbelief.  He knows about every time we have hidden in the bathroom crying, every time we've said things we regret, and every time we've chosen someone else over Him.  I declared, "Even with all our grossness, God still accepts and forgives us.  He loves us anyway."  And I threw the banana in my mouth.  And the people lin the bleachers went crazy.  And it tasted nasty.  And it was all worth it to hear kids talking about Jesus for days after that. 

 

 

   To close out the night, I shared some of my story.  I told them about a month spent crying every day, a summer of hiding out in my room so that no one would know.  I worked so hard to make it seem that I was doing great, that I had no problems.  I tried so hard to fix myself, too ashamed to ask for help.  I couldn't do it.  I had to open up to the only One who could.  I had to tell Him that I wasn't perfect, that I couldn't live on my own.  I had to reveal my mushy, saliva-covered, revolting, true self.  I had to cry out to God, and ask for the living water.  God changed my life, transformed me, and made me a new creation.  To Him be the glory.

And this is me imitating how I felt with spit-infested banana in my mouth. :)

 

The Love of My Life

   It's Valentine's Day.  All about love, and hearts, and candy, and mushy-gushy stuff like that.  And here I am, sitting here with God, waiting for my future husband.  And I'm cool with that.  And I'm not supposed to start sentences with "and," but sometimes I make my own rules.
   God is the love of my life.  I am infatuated - captivated.  I am determined to focus on Him, and I will also remember this top-secret boy talk from about 11:00 last night:
     Mom: You're gonna have plenty saved up for your husband.
     Me: What if there was interest...
     Mom: Well, there are some bonuses along the way!
   That is how it goes down around here.  Until we realize what time it is, and then I go to bed, and fall asleep talking to God.  Talking to God about how thankful I am to have Him at my lonliest moments, and what kind of man I hope He's saving for me. 
   I am so looking forward to these next few years, just me and my awesome God.  He is the most important relationship I will ever have.  I'm waiting for a man like Him.  He is my model of love.  I strive to become a woman after His own heart.
   And happy Valentine's day! <3

 

P.S. I promise I wrote this yesterday, I just didn't get it posted!

Love Languages

   How do you show love?  In what ways do you best receive it?  Do you know?  The five love languages can help.
   The languages are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Quality Time.  They are how you speak love.  They are how you understand love.  The five love languages help you understand your friends, family, and that special someone.  Learning your language and the languages of your loved ones helps you show love in ways that mean the most and to appreciate how other people love you.
   My primary love language is Words of Affirmation.  Words mean a ton to me.  I will remember the things you say to me longer than anything else.  Words bring me huge amounts of joy, but, in turn, they also hurt me the most.  No matter what you to me, your words will touch my heart.
   Click the picture below to go to 5lovelanguages.com and take the quiz to "Discover Your Love Language."  Learn more about yourself and those you love, then leave a comment or answer the poll question in my sidebar to let me know what your love language is!  Believe that God knows you better than you know yourself, and know He speaks your language.

Preparing

   I wait for my future husband.  Yes, I wait, but this is not idle expectation.  This is more than sitting alone daydreaming.  This is more than anticipation.
   This is saving myself for him.  This is preservation.  Paying attention, actively guarding, patiently protecting.  This is handing over to God all the keys that open me up.  He's good at safe-keeping.  This is careful conservation.  Heart, mind, body, and soul.
   This is learning.  To feed him, to clothe him, to take care of his children.  To love him as best as I can.  Learning womanhood - the virtuous kind.  Learning to love God more than I could ever love anyone. 
   This is preparation.

via



Loving Yourself

   Do you love yourself?  This may seem like an odd question, but I don't mean in a selfish or prideful way.  Do you see yourself as a beautiful, valuable child of God?
   We are called to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves.  How can we love others if we have only hatred for ourselves?  If we can't look in the mirror and be happy with what we see, how will we ever look at those around us and see the good in them?
    Do you love yourself enough to realize your shortcomings?  Do you let them discourage you, or do you see them as an opportunity to become better?  Do you love yourself enough to accept love from others?  Do you let God shower you with His love for you, or are you too busy denying your worthiness?
   Focus on the positive.  Like who you are, and be who you like.  Accept constructive criticism and compliments alike.  Love others.  Love yourself.

Greater Than Fear

"The moment that you feel that just possibly you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself, that's the moment you might be starting to get it right." - Neil Gaiman

   There are times when I scare myself.  I grow close to someone.  I tell a secret.  I write about what stirs me up.  I reveal myself, and I let someone else see what has always been hidden inside of me, and I get scared. 
   There are others times when I am too scared to even get to the point where I could scare myself.  I carefully contain the volcano within me before it erupts.  I disguise my heart with another layer of papier mache.  I am safe.
   I am scared of rejection, afraid to fail.  I fear that if I bring the smallest part of me out of hiding, then the whole world will tear it pieces.  I am scared that if I let someone get close enough to know me, truly know me, they will let me down.  I am afraid that if I take a chance, I will fall on my face.

   But there are times when my desire to live and my need to be known overcome.  My courage overtakes my fear.  And though I am scared, I flee my cage, I lift my voice and sing, and I tear off my mask.  My heart beats and lives and loves freely.  I am me.  And I am greater than the fear.

This Girl

   There's this girl I know.  She goes to my school, and she's pretty much in all my classes.  She's the kind of girl who can be nice to almost anyone, but also has a smart comment for most anything.  Maybe sometimes she acts like she doesn't care, and maybe sometimes she's lazy, but grades (among a long list of other things) are super important to her. She's kind of girl people like to ask for the answers, but sometimes she doesn't give them. Sometimes, she doesn't know them.
   She tries hard to make everyone like her, and it kinda seems to work. I think she's grown to like herself and to be herself, but she still has those days when insecurity slithers back into her brain, and she slides inside her hard, protective shell. She's the kind of girl who watches and listens. She takes her time getting to know people. She's the kind of girl who hesitates to call an event "First Annual", because she's afraid to make that kind of committment. She takes her time letting people get to know her.
   Loyalty is an enormous deal to this girl.  She can't stand when people lie to her, and she cries when friends don't seem as much like friends.  She's the kind of girl who would never last a week playing the dating game, because the first breakup would tear her apart, piece by piece.  She doesn't like to give up on people.
   She's the kind of girl who makes a mess every time she bakes, randomly drops things, and manages to wear a white shirt every chili, taco, or ketchup day.  She is the kind of girl who wonders what purpose there is to raking leaves, besides to jump in the piles.  She feels a strong desire to straighten the things that are crooked, plus fix all the other problems in the world.
   This girl grows attatched to the characters in the novels she reads.  She's the kind of girl who knows a word's spelling and meaning, but can't say it right because she's only seen it in books.  There are some things she is too afraid to say, but she writes them down because they have to get out somehow, before they explode from the depths of her heart.
   She's the kind of girl who prays about the people who tick her off, the people who are sick, the people who are boys, the people who need love, and the occasional football game or snow day.  This is a girl who knowswhat it is to be stuck, to be trapped in the deep, dark pit of depression.  This is a girl who has been resced by God, and she will never, ever go back.
   This girl. Is me.
  

Just the Way You Are

   I can envision God on the day He created you.  I see Him obsessing over every detail, loving every second.  He makes your nails and your hair and your toes.  And when He gets to your eyes, I imagine the Lord of creation going all Bruno Mars on you, because they outshine the stars in the sky.
   He creates your lips and your smile and perfects your laugh. He gives your hair just the right color and makes it fall just right (without you tryin').  Your fingers, ears, legs and lashes are samples of His best handiwork.  He makes your heart to love and to live and to beat for Him.  He gives you feelings and opinions.  He creates every single part of you in His own image, and when He is done He stands back to watch - and to say that you are good.
   He catches sight of your first smile, and stops and stares for a while.  You are His favorite of all His creations.  Every time He sees your face there is nothing He would change.  He wishes you could see yourself through His eyes, because then you would see your beauty.  You would realize that you're amazing, just the way you are.  You would understand that the God of the universe loves you.

 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

-Psalm 139:13-14

this song :)

His Love

   His love is true.  More than a feeling, this love won't fade.  It will never leave, it will never decide you aren't good enough.
   His love is overwhelming.  It is beyond anything you can imagine.  It is more than you can ever understand or comprehend.  This love will blow your mind.
   His love is intimate. It's not just an emotion or a routine. This is relationship with your Lover, the ultimate groom.
   His love is powerful. It conquered death and defeated sin. Because of love, we are more than victorious. Because of love, all things are possible.
   His love is loud. It's like a rock concert in your soul. It cannot be contained. It is so much that you have to share it.
   His love is here. His love is now. His love is for you.

I Think I'm In Love

   So, there's this guy...this person...someone.  He's protective and caring.  He thinks I'm beautiful - worth dying for.  I've hurt him, but he forgives me and says I'm perfect the way I am.  The time we spend together makes up the highlight reel of my life.  He's always there when I need him.  He never forces me to to anything.  He tells me he loves me.  He has chosen me, pursued me, rescued me, and wooed me.  I think I'm in love...
   With the Creator.  With the Lord of the universe.  With the Lion and the Lamb.  With the King of kings.  With the Savior.  With the ultimate Lover.  With the Bridegroom of Heaven.
   I was made for Him.  There is no one else.  I will spend my life to know Him and please Him.  This is infatution and beyond.  I am completely, totally, head-over-heels, hoplessly in love with God.

When I'm Old

   When I'm old, I want to have a love story.  God willing, I will have a husband, and we will spend our days loving each other.  We will fall in love, get married, have kids & grandkids, grow closer with each passing day, and be together until death do us part.  If I never marry a man, I have a glorious romance with my Savior.  As elderly lady, I will continue to love Him more each day, eagerly looking forward to the Wedding day.
   When I'm old, I want to be cool.  I will be like everyone's grandma.  Fresh baked goods will be freely offered.  Kids (and their parents) will know where to come for food, visits, and a helping hand.  I will be strong, healthy, active - able to keep up with the kids.   I will freely give cookies, love, and wisdom.
   When I'm old, I want to be trusted.  The kind of woman people know they can come to for advice.  I want to be like Mr. Perryfield in "Letters to God" - besides maybe the grumpy part.  I will learn my lessons well and remember them.  Those from all generations will be welcome to have a heart-to-heart. 
   When I'm old, I want to live each day to the fullest.  I will love God and people.  I'll take risks (only those calculated, of course), and go on adventures.  I want to read lots of books, go lots of places, meet lots of people, bake lots of cookies, and touch lots of hearts.
   When I'm old, I want to be ready.  I want live and to love with no regrets.  I know I'm going to Heaven, and I want to take so many people with me.  I will love life, and look forward to the day that I'm finally with Him. 
   When I'm old, I want to leave a legacy.  I want to be a city on a hill, a lamp on a stand, even after I've left this Earth.  I want to be remembered for my love and my strength and my faith.

So why not start now??

What Boys Need to Know About Girls

Dear boys,
   There are some things you should know.  About girls.  Because sometimes, you guys seem kinda clueless.  No offense or anything, but you look like you could use some help.  I'm thinking some hints and tips from a female perspective might be enlightening.  So listen close, because what I'm about to tell you could change your girl endeavors forever.  These are the things you guys need to know about girls.
   Numero uno: They are not toys.  Girls were not put on this earth to play with.  You don't get to drop them when you get bored or find one you like better.  Don't pick up the first one that catches your eye, and don't think she'll come without a price.  Any girl worth your time is a valuable treasure.  Keep her safe, hold her close, and treat her like the precious jewel she is.  A girl's heart is not to be messed with.
   Secondly:  Girls think differently than you.  They read into everything and their brains can work crazy fast.  When you flirt, you mess with a girl's mind.  Whatever you do, a girl is trying to figure out what it means. 

"Does he like me?  He acts like he does, but I really don't think so.  He said that one thing the other day, and really there's no way he likes me likes me.  I hope he likes me.  He surely doesn't like me."  

"Does what he just did mean anything?  I'm really not ready for a relationship right now.  What does he want?  I don't want to hurt him.  Maybe it doesn't mean anything.  But surely it means something."  

"I wonder if he's mad.  I think he's mad.  Is he upset with me?  Does he need a hug?  Maybe he just needs some space.  I should've worn different shoes!"

   So don't say or do anything you don't mean.  Think about what effect your actions will have on a girl.  Don't toy with her.  Don't mess with a girl's heart.

   Third: Girls adore chivalry.  You don't have to be physical to prove your attraction (love?).  A girl may act like all she wants is you to go farther physically with her, but really she is longing to know that you will always be there for her, that you love her, that she is worth it.  Show her all of this in other ways.  You may have to get a little more creative, put a little more effort into it, but it will be well worth it - to you, and to your girl.  Prove yourself in other ways.  A girl's heart is not to be messed with.

   Number four:  Girls DO want and need guy friends.  You don't have to be all mushy-gushy romantic.  Really, you need to not be.  A girl needs a friend.  Someone she can trust.  Someone who's not a drama queen.  Someone she can come to with her problems and know he won't just cause more.  Someone who will be steady, dependable.  A friend.  A girl needs a guy who won't mess with her heart.

   Fifth:  There is a girl out there who needs you.  Get ready.  She was created for you, so don't waste your time with all those other girls.  Keep your heart safe for her, be watching for her.  And when you find her, never let her go.  Don't let anyone mess with her heart.

   I hope and pray that you've been enlightened dear boys.  Take this knowledge to heart and put it to use.  Remembering these five things about girls can save so much confusion and heartache.  God bless you, young men.  And never forget: a girl's heart is not to be messed with.

   In Him,

     ~Michaela :) ♥

You and Jasmine

   So how many of you really got that lesson?  You know, when our FACS teacher read the story about Jasmine.  Remember tearing of pieces of our paper hearts every time she lost a piece of herself?
   I remember laughing and talking.  Saying she was stupid and should of learned her lesson.  Joking about taping her legs together.  But girls, as you tore that paper heart to shreds, did you stop to think that you might be doing the very same thing to yourself?
   You don't have to have sex to loose part of yourself.  Remember that kiss, the hug by your locker, or holding hands on the way to class?  Each time, you gave him a piece of yourself.  Maybe just the tiniest sliver, but your heart just became that much smaller.
   Ever wonder why it hurts so much to break up?  You gave him yourself, by bits and pieces, thinking that this was love and you'd be together forever.  Now you're left with less of himself and more of his baggage.
   Have you ever considered the man you will marry?  You want his whole heart, his whole self, not a battered and bruise piece of it.  What will you have left for him?
   So don't be so quick to judge Jasmine, the girl with the shredded heart.  You may have more in common with her than you thought.

Passion and Purity

   You may be wondering how "passion" and "purity" even belong in the same title together.  Can one love passionately and still remain pure?  The answer is a resounding yes.
   In Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control, Elisabeth Elliot tells her own moving love story.  Mrs. Elliot teaches us about finding Mr. Right, how far is too far, and surrendering our desires to God.  Using letters, diary journals, and memories from her five-year courtship with Jim she shows us an example of what it means to love Christ more than each other, and to give His plans priority over yours.  Elisabeth Elliot has been there, done that, and offers time-tested advice and wisdom that applies to all of us.
   I just finished reading Passion and Purity for the second time, and it was worth every minute.  I read a lot of books, and enjoy most of them, but few are special enough to read over and over again.  This is one of those special books.  I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone.  You will be blessed when you read Passion and Purity.

Love. Such a Simple Word

   Love.  Just a simple, four-letter word, but with such intricate and confusing meanings.  We love our families, love God, love our pets, love chocolate, love our enemies.  We take "love" and apply it to almost any thing, place, or person.  But what about love love?  You know, the kind for that significant other of the opposite sex?
   The word love is being tossed around so much that it's lost its value.  It seems like everyone's telling everyone else that they love them.  Do they?  Is this what love really means?  What about the guy who has had nine girlfriends, saying "I love you" to each of them?  Did he love them all?  Does he still?
   I want to take love back to its deepest, truest meaning.  Love for that one other person; passionate love reserved for them only.  More than physical attraction.  More than short-lived infatuation.  Perfect, Christlike love shared between one man and one woman.
   So young man, don't you dare tell me you love me.  I don't want to hear it.  Don't let those three words come out of your mouth unless "Will you marry me?" is on its way next.  And don't pop the question unless I know that you do love me.  Save "I love you" for the one woman you marry.  Make it passionate and pure.  Let your love be true.