in case you were wondering about all the stuff I didn't tell you

   A year ago, there was a lot I didn't know. I mean, more than usual. My life was a mess. Again, more than usual. I knew I was moving, but I didn't know where and I didn't know when. I was super pumped about the new adventure God was taking me and my family on. I was also terrified.

   A lot has happened since then, and I know I've left out a lot of the details. Okay, most of them. There were times when I needed some time to process my life before I could write about it. There were times when I really simply didn't have enough to blog. There were times when I was just lazy. Anyway, I figure ya'll deserve an update. So here, for your reading pleasure (or not. just stop reading if you're not enjoying yourself.) is the condensed version of the last year of my life.

June 2014: Jesus parties. Trips to the creek. Rodeos. Finding Favour concerts. Making the most of the time, because I don't know much I have left.

July 2014: Figuring things out. Red rover. Making plans. S'mores. Going-away party. His Ranch.

 

August 2014: Moving in with Grandpa and Grandma. Football. Dad, Jonathon, Elaina, me - no Mom, no little boys. School starts. More football. No photos because insanity. But this did happen:

 

September 2014:  Becoming known as "the barefoot girl." FCA. Finding my niche.

  

 October 2014: Wednesday morning Bible studies. Homecoming. Getting TPed...

 

November 2014: Thanksgiving. Time with the fam bam. Focusing on focusing on Jesus. His Ranch fundraiser.

 

  

December 2014: Phone-hacking. Selfies. Christmas! Smiling. Surprises. Beautiful friends. The Hobbit.

 

January 2015: Newness. New ideas. New love. New mercy. New life. New house! Reunited family. Reformed Roses. Snow - but I could've used more snow.

 

February 2015: Winterwarming. Basketball. Journalism. Dawg Pound. 

 

 

  

March 2015: 41 Night. Persuasion. Soccer. Courage. Mud.

   

 

 April: The Exchange - youth group. The ACT. A team that is more like family.

 

  

May 2015: Prom. Graduation. Mixed emotions. Rain and sunlight and beautifulness. Excitement for what's to come.

 

Fear Cast Out

   Can you tell me why you're so afraid?  You would never admit it to anyone else, but I know you.  I know you're hiding out.  I know you're stuffing your feelings way down inside, hoping against hope that no one will notice.  But I notice you. 
   I know that you are terrified.  You have masked your fears so well that you can't even identify them yourself.  "Are you scared?" "Psshhh, what is there to be scared of?"  But darling, I see you.  You are so afraid of being afraid that you will do whatever it takes to hide the trepidation.  But I know you.
   You are so apprehensive about love.  Fearful of never discovering the man created to complete you - of never being discovered.  You're terrified of becoming Eponine, on your own, watching him shower another with what has been your deepest desire.  Scared, heart breaking just thinking about it, of loving one man all your life, but never receiving his love in return. 
   You're petrified of not finding what I have for you.  You can't stand the thought of being wrong; of spending your life doing good things at bad times; of finally listening to what I have to say, only to misinterpret my words.  Fearful of missing out on the best parts of life.  You are scared to death of tripping, of falling, of getting lost.  But my love, I have already found you.
   I love you more than anyone ever would, ever could.  I have a plan for you - hope and a future for you.  Every good and perfect thing comes from me, and the things I have in store for you are beyond yoru wildest dreams, beyond what you could ever imagine.  I have promised you the desires of your heart, and while your head may think it knows what your heart wants, I know you.  I will give you what your soul longs for.
   I loved you before you loved me back, and I will never, ever stop.  You will never be on your own.  You have been so afraid, but my love is perfect.  I will fill you up with so much love that there will never be room for fear.
   I love you more than human words can express.

~God

About a Bajillion Ways to Have Fun

   Remember this post where I said there were "about a bajillion ways I could have fun - without dating a single boy"?  Well, I figured I should probably prove that to you... so, here goes!  About a bajillion ways to have fun (not boyfriend required).

1. Bake cookies.
2. Bake cookies with a friend.
3. Give cookies away.
4. Go for a run.
5. Keep a journal.
6. Read your Bible every. single. day. of your life.
7. Sing loudly.
8. Write a letter.
9. Call a friend or family member you haven't talked to in a long time.
10. Read an article on Abort73.com.
11. Take a loooottt of selfies on someone else's iPod/phone.
12. Help me go to Peru. (Ask me how!)
13. Write something encouraging on your bathroom mirror.
14. Be confident in your no make-up, baggy sweatshirt self.
15. Go through your closet and give away or sell all the clothes you don't want anymore.
16. Have a photoshoot with a friend.
17. Watch VeggieTales.
18. Recycle.
19. Make a list of characteristics you want your future husband to have.
20. Play spoons.
21. Play solitaire.
22. Study for the ACT.
23. Learn how to weld.
24. Learn a new language.
25. Learn how to spell your name in sign language.
26. Find out where your ancestors are from.
27. Ask your parents to tell you stories about when they were kids.
28. Ask your parents how they met and fell in love.
29. Make a list of things you like about yourself.
30. Go to the park.
31. Visit a museum.
32. Visit a zoo.
33. Look through old pictures.
34. Go to a sporting event.
35. Cheer excessively for your school's team.
36. Give random compliments.
37. Volunteer at your local food bank.
38. Learn about the history of your town.
39. Play ninja.
40. Learn ballroom or swing or square dancing.
41. Get a partner to dance with.
42. Play catch.
43. Play "Duck, Duck, Goose."
44. Eat food.
45. Watch Kid History and Kid Snippets.
46. Learn a magic trick.
47. Perform a magic trick.
48. Go on a picnic.
49. Join a club.
50. Ride a horse.
51. Visit a nursing home with some friends.
52. Read a romance novel.
53. Watch chick flicks.
54. Fly a kite.
55. Go fishing.
56. Go to youth group.
57. Take a friend/multiple friends to youth group.
58. Organize a closet, drawer, or garage.
59. Paint something.
60. Redecorate you room.
61. Watch Les Miserables even if you already have because it is amazing.
62. Host a game night.
63. Learn a new game.
64. Teach someone a game.
65. Shoot a gun.
66. Shoot a bow.
67. Act out a Bible story with friends or siblings.
68. Play a musical instrument.
69. Learn a new word.
70. Use your expanded vocabulary in conversation.
71. Shoot some baskets.
72. Pick flowers.
73. Grow flowers.
74. Grow food.
75. House-sit.
76. Baby-sit.
77. Pet-sit.
78. Start a business.
79. Teach a kids' class at your church.
80. Go to the beach.
81. Write a story.
82. Dress up and have a party with your girls.
83. Give yourself a manicure.
84. Go on a mission trip.
85. Take a class.
86. Set a goal.
87. Cook supper for your family.
88. Write an encouraging note.
89. Read a book to your little sister or brother.
90. Sleep under the stars.
91. Memorize scripture.
92. Make your own bubbles to blow.
93. Write with chalk on your driveway or sidewalk.
94. Go camping.
95. Get some people together to pray outside an abortion center.
96. Go one day without shoes on April 16th.
97. Share your testimony.
98. Start a smash book.
99. Meet someone new.
100. Go to church camp.
101. Visit IHOP (the Jesus one) or stream the live feed from the prayer room.
102. Drink goat milk.
103. Spend time with your family.
104. Daydream.
105. Praise God.
106. Dress modestly.
107. Learn how to yodel.
108. Read Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot.
109. Go on a Daddy-Daughter date.

   So there.  You can have fun - with or without a boyfriend.  Know that you are loved by the King of kings, and He says you are beautiful.  And go ahead and pretend that 109 is close a bajillion.



 

 

 

 

 

God Uses Even Nasty Bananas

   This past Friday I gave the devotion at our FCA 5th Quarter.  It was last-minute orginization, but God had lain something on my heart two week ago.  By Friday at about 2:00, I knew exactly what I was going to share with 100 kids from my school.
   I started out by reading the story of the woman at the well.  Almost no one knew the story, but this was no where near the most exciting part of the night.  Read about the woman at the well for yourself in John chapter 4.

 

   Next I invited two friends to help me out - and they brought a banana.  As she unpeeled the banana, the first girl said, "We all have a protective outer layer that we try to use to cover up our screw-ups, stupidity, and sticky situations.  But it's still obvious that we aren't perfect." And then she slobbered on it.

 

   The banana was then passed to girl-in-the-middle, who talked about how God sees our messiness on the surface, but He still wants us to spill everything.  He isn't disgusted by us, and He still wants to go deeper into who we are.  And the saliva slid down the fruit in front of her, and she started to freak out a little, but she pulled herself together.  She took a bite off the already repulsive banana, and she spit it back out, and she put it into my hand.

 

   "God sees all of... this," I said, gesturing to the nastiness in my palm, "and still He doesn't reject us."  Father sees our lying, our cheating, and our disbelief.  He knows about every time we have hidden in the bathroom crying, every time we've said things we regret, and every time we've chosen someone else over Him.  I declared, "Even with all our grossness, God still accepts and forgives us.  He loves us anyway."  And I threw the banana in my mouth.  And the people lin the bleachers went crazy.  And it tasted nasty.  And it was all worth it to hear kids talking about Jesus for days after that. 

 

 

   To close out the night, I shared some of my story.  I told them about a month spent crying every day, a summer of hiding out in my room so that no one would know.  I worked so hard to make it seem that I was doing great, that I had no problems.  I tried so hard to fix myself, too ashamed to ask for help.  I couldn't do it.  I had to open up to the only One who could.  I had to tell Him that I wasn't perfect, that I couldn't live on my own.  I had to reveal my mushy, saliva-covered, revolting, true self.  I had to cry out to God, and ask for the living water.  God changed my life, transformed me, and made me a new creation.  To Him be the glory.

And this is me imitating how I felt with spit-infested banana in my mouth. :)

 

letters. prayer.

   I decided on January 1st that I wasn't making any resolutions for the new year.  Words like "overrated," "pointless," and "ineffectual" ran through my brain.  But.  I feel like God's favorite thing is reminding me how much smarter He is than me.
   He told me to write one letter every week all year.  52 people.  52 letters.  52 messages from God.  2013 thus far has been - and will be - chock full of encouragement, listening, and larger comfort zones. 
   Pray for me.  For attentiveness, so my heart will be soft and open to hear His voice.  For willingness to do and say whatever He tell.  For eloquence and words to share.  For determination and perseverence to keep-on-keeping-on.  For an overabundance of love for God and people.
   Pray for me, as I pray for you.

Becoming

   I look back on the me of yesteryear, and I surprise myself with who I've become.  I have grown older and perhaps wiser.  I'm a freshman with some kind-of friends and some new friends and some forever friends.  I've grown my hair longer, and I've come to a deeper realization of God's love.
   My life is a string of becoming, each day a pearl slipped onto my necklace.  Some are smaller than others; a few have lost their luster.  Still I strive to become.  To become a better friend, a stronger  athlete, a Proverbs 31 woman.  To become courageous despite my fears, joyful in all things, and loving to all people.
   And in the midst of all this, I hope to become... myself.

A Penny For Your Thoughts

   What are you thinking?  No, forrealz (<< just pretend that's a word).  Tell me what's been on your brain.  The homework due tomorrow that you forgot about?  That certain person who may or may not like you back?  What you're gonna wear?  Sports?  Food?  God?
   Do you spend your thougths on things worthwhile?  Our thinking should be focused on what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable.  The Creator of all good things knows your thoughts.  Is He pleased?  Keep Him always on your mind.  Put your thoughts to good use.

I Was Little

   When I was little, I always drew the sun in the corner of the paper.  I sorted my Skittles by color, and I sang the wrong words to worship songs while alone in my room.  I was a princess, an army nurse, a cowgirl, or an orphan, depending on my mood.
   When I was little, I memorized John 3:16 and went to church every chance I got.  I loved school, and I hated getting in trouble.  I moved as many times as most people do in their whole life, and each time it got harder, but I got stronger.
   These years of littleness shaped who I am as a young woman. Sometimes I wish I could go back.  Maybe not to change things.  Maybe just to remember, to re-enjoy the carefree days of naivete.  Maybe because when I was little, I didn't realize how fast I would grow up.

On Bullying

I sent this to my local newspaper as a letter to the editor and it was published past month.

To the adults - parents, teachers, administrators, board members:

   School is about to start.  What's on your mind?  Are you thinking about bullying?  It was such a hot topic last year.  You talked a lot and tried to do a lot.  Bullying was a big deal.  Will it be any different this time around?
   You see, that's the problem.  All your discussions and committees and educational videos and policies and talks aren't getting the results you're looking for.  It's wonderful that you are working for change, but your efforts really aren't getting you anywhere.
   I'm fourteen.  I go to public school.  You can consider me your insider.  I've sat through the movies that will change the way we look at life, and I've heard the talking and laughing while they play.  I've heard what the counselor has to say and I've been a part of the group discussions where we all talk about the bullying problem at our school.  I've listened to kids spout the right answers and share solutions, and I've seen the teasing, the exclusion, and the rude comments ten minutes later.
   You have taught our heads well, but it's our hearts that need an education.  What if instead of going to the meeting where they talk about us, our parents stayed home and talked with us?  What if our teachers would call out another teacher's kid for treating others like less?  What if our parents taught us the value of others, and what it is to be a hero?  What if instead of creating more rules and policies took make it look like they did something,our administrators took real action?  Can you imagine if the adults in our community displayed for us the respect, equality, and honor they so wish we had?
   Talk with us, be an example for us, and expect more of us.  Be the change, to help us make a heart change.

I Am a Coach's Daughter

   I have grown up watching football, talking football, and loving football.  Jerseys and pads were thrown in with the dresses and jewelry when playing dress-up.  I got used to coaches and boys showing up at my house to hang out with my dad.  I learned the difference between a blitz and a different kind of blitz, the importance of "Drive your feet!", and how to draw plays.  I joined the games in the yard and the street and showed off my bruises, jammed fingers, and competetive spirit.
   To me, being a coach's daughter means a lot of things.  I've witnessed practices, film sessions, and pep talks.  My titles include, but are not limited to, videographer, manager, spectator, water girl, write-this-down-for-me girl, stand-on-the-sidelines-and-do-whatever-I-need-you-to-plus-cheer girl, and "Aren't you the coach's daughter?"  (I actually do like my name, though.)
   I have developed an intense love for going to "Daddy's games."  I will find a way to get there.  I have sat through the rain and gone numb from cold.  I'm the one who answers, "What just happened?"  I have yelled and cheered 'til I lost my voice.  I forget my friends are sitting there next to me.  I have shed tears over high school football.
   Being a coach's daughter means a lot to me.  People wonder why I voluntarily show up to help, why I care so much.  I guess you could say it's because I love the game of football.  I love the adreneline rush on Friday nights, the teamwork and comraderie, the thrill of victory.  I love that courage is made real, and that true character is revealed on the football field.  But even more, I really love my daddy.

I Shall Emerge From This Summer Victorious

   These summer months are slipping away.  There are only 26 days left to savor before school starts, and I am determined to make the most of them.  Therefore, I have created this finish-during-the-last-days-of-summer-before-school-completely-takes-over-your-life list.  I'm sharing it with you all to keep me accountable - and possibly to offer inpiration for killing summer boredom.

• finish reading the New Testamant (currently in Philemon)

• write at least 15 blog posts - only counting the ones I actually do post

• sew myself a dress

• go on a picnic

• complete David Copperfield

• share my testimony with at least 3 people

• run a total of 25 miles

• begin learning Spanish

• win a game of Risk

• make a plan to start ThinkFAST at my school