Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Doors, Windows, Hallways

   They say when God closes a door, He opens a window.  What happens if He closes the window?  Am I stuck in the hallway, enclosed between where I used to be and where I want to go? 
   The window was pretty high off the ground, and I had sat in that hallway for days before being courageous enough to jump out of it.  I had finally climbed up and stood on the sill, terrified of the fall, but thrilled for the freedom.  I had bent my knees, sent up a prayer... and the window slammed in my face, locking me into that hallway once again.
   Now here I sit, in the lonely darkness, knees pulled up to my chin.  Crying.  Desperate.  Hopeless.  Why?  I scream the question, begging for an answer.  Silence.  I scramble through the tight hallway, searching again for an exit I know I won't find. 
   I fall to my knees again, my posture that of one defeated.  Which is how I feel after fighting so hard, only to come up short once more.  Exhausted, determination gone, I know I will never make it out alone. 
   "You are never alone."  I hear the whisper, and I know this is truth.  I remember my Savior, my friend, my eternal, good, powerful God. 
   I know that when closes a door, He opens a window.  When God closes a window, He opens up something better.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

C is for Cars

   Being a 15-year-old girl who is pretty much an ignoramus when it comes to automobiles, I don't have that much to say.  I can tell you that I passed my permit test (on the second try... I missed it by one question the first time!), that my dad is adamant that he's talking to me, not himself, when says, "Calm down.  It's gonna be fine.  Just calm down," while I'm driving, and that I'm really not that bad of a driver.
   I could also tell you a ridiculously embarrassing story about how I tore the back bumper halfway off our big-school-bus-van once, or the time I showed up at school smelling like gasoline because the pump didn't shut off, but I think we'll save those narratives for another time...

Thursday, May 9, 2013

B is for Best Friend

   Seriously, I have to pick one?  There are way too many awesome people in my life for that.  How 'bout I narrow it down to two?  Bridesmaids?  Yeah, these two pretty much have a guaranteed spot.
   Justice Fae Marie Sly is fiery, noble, making-me-smile, "crazi," and adorable.  She's been practically adopted into the family.  Justice calls my daddy "Dad," and my daddy calls her "Liberty Ann."  We pretty much complete each other - plus she remembers all the things that I forget.  She recently became a part of God's family, and I am so proud of the way she is growing in the Lord. 
   We have so many memories that I could never fit all of them into one blog post.  We compete constantly (I can scrunch my face more, spin longer, and beat her at laser tag), but we have never gotten into a fight.  We've been on TV together!  I trust her with my secrets.  People give us odd looks because we laugh at things they don't understand.  I love Justice to death.

hahaha we were winners in 7th grade
   Brenna Marie Hawk (I totally just realized that they have the same middle name! That right there is what you call an epiphany.) is my peace-loving, beautiful, loyal, sweet, opinionated bestie for life. She is the one who still stayed in touch with me after I moved four times - and then she up and left for Costa Rica! Missionary kids are awesome. We're still trying to find a way for me to get down there. I should totally show up and surprise her for her birthday like I did a few years ago! That was one of the best days of my life. ;) In the meantime, I learn Spanish.
   As I run around with my head in the clouds, Brenna somehow helps me keep my feet on the ground. She's like a rock! A rock with a really pretty smile. We laugh at each other's mistakes and help each other out with the complicated parts of life.  I'm pretty sure I would be lost without this chica.
Her view <3
Outside our House off of Panama Avenue.jpg
outside their house in Costa Rica

Sunday, May 5, 2013


   My heartstrings pull me every which way.  They are wrapped around the beating vessel, knotted and twisted, tangled like a plate of spaghetti.  Some are worn thin; they look like they could break at any moment.  Others are ribbons, the pretty, frivilous kind.  Still more are thick chains, binding my heart, leaving no escape.
   They are pulled by unseen forces, tugging, tugging, tugging at my heart.  I want to compromise, find a way to please everyone, but I have to pick only one.  My heart is being destroyed, waiting for me to choose.  Each time I start I to go one way I am overcome with doubt, turning around and ending up back where I started.  The strings keep pulling, dragging, fighting to win.
   Will one overcome?  Strings will be broken, connections will be severed.  Will my heart be broken, torn by the forces pulling it beyond its limit?  Where will it end?  Will the struggle and choas become peace?  Am I stuck in this place of pain and confusion?
    Jesus, win this tug-of-war.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A is for Animals

   Finallt starting this blogging challenge, and supposed to be writing about pets I used to have, pets I do have, and pets I want to have.  Animals. :)
   When I was born my parents were... "dorm parents" per say.  They babysat the college kids with their dog, Rufus.  Rufus got over-the-top protective when I was born, and we've never had a dog since.  I did have a goldfish for about a week and a half when I was little... I harbored anger over his death for years.
   We have no pets at my house.  Depressing, I know.  My mom always said that she had enough training to do with all of us kids, so she didn't need any other animals running around.  For soem reason she never believed us when we said we would take care of everything.
   Horses are my favorite.  I have dreamed of owning a horse since I was a little girl.  Obsessed much?  Maybe.  I can't wait to make that dream become a reality.  For now, I settle for His Ranch.  They will certainly do, and so will these pictures from my beloved Pinterest.