Youth Encounter Testimony 2011

   I almost didn't go to this retreat.  I was in Rochester, NY with my mom taking care of Grandpa on Thursday, and we weren't gonna make it home until Saturday night - too late to make it to retreat. But that night Mom and I just had a strong feeling that we were supposed to go home.  We listened and I joined the RU 2:20 youth group on Saturday morning.  It was well worth it.
   Lately I have felt like people think I'm perfect, and I've been struggling with that.  I felt that everyone says, "Oh, Michaela's the smart one, Michaela never messes up, Michaela's knows everything, Michaela is just perfect!"  The reason this bothered me so much was because it's simply not true!
   At the end of Rachel's teaching on self-image (which was sooo good, btw), she asked us to write down things people have said, embarrassing moments, and thoughts we've had that made us feel bad about ourselves, worthless.  Then we would get rid of them at the cross.  As I struggled to think of something to write down, God spoke to me.  He showed me that even though people's perception of me as perfect bothered me, I fought and tried my hardest to avoid anything that could potentially be embarrassing, or ruin my reputation.  He said, "What's the point?  Don't you know you can't achieve perfection without me?"  I realized I could never maintain my facade, no matter how hard I tried, and that's when the tears came.
   God is teaching me to fully and completely depend on Him.  I have to stop relying on myself.  I'm learning to be confident in who God made me, not what I've made myself.  I have to do what He's asking, be willing to put myself out there and take chances - for Him.  I will never be capable of perfection, but He is.