Greater Than Fear

"The moment that you feel that just possibly you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself, that's the moment you might be starting to get it right." - Neil Gaiman

   There are times when I scare myself.  I grow close to someone.  I tell a secret.  I write about what stirs me up.  I reveal myself, and I let someone else see what has always been hidden inside of me, and I get scared. 
   There are others times when I am too scared to even get to the point where I could scare myself.  I carefully contain the volcano within me before it erupts.  I disguise my heart with another layer of papier mache.  I am safe.
   I am scared of rejection, afraid to fail.  I fear that if I bring the smallest part of me out of hiding, then the whole world will tear it pieces.  I am scared that if I let someone get close enough to know me, truly know me, they will let me down.  I am afraid that if I take a chance, I will fall on my face.

   But there are times when my desire to live and my need to be known overcome.  My courage overtakes my fear.  And though I am scared, I flee my cage, I lift my voice and sing, and I tear off my mask.  My heart beats and lives and loves freely.  I am me.  And I am greater than the fear.

This Girl

   There's this girl I know.  She goes to my school, and she's pretty much in all my classes.  She's the kind of girl who can be nice to almost anyone, but also has a smart comment for most anything.  Maybe sometimes she acts like she doesn't care, and maybe sometimes she's lazy, but grades (among a long list of other things) are super important to her. She's kind of girl people like to ask for the answers, but sometimes she doesn't give them. Sometimes, she doesn't know them.
   She tries hard to make everyone like her, and it kinda seems to work. I think she's grown to like herself and to be herself, but she still has those days when insecurity slithers back into her brain, and she slides inside her hard, protective shell. She's the kind of girl who watches and listens. She takes her time getting to know people. She's the kind of girl who hesitates to call an event "First Annual", because she's afraid to make that kind of committment. She takes her time letting people get to know her.
   Loyalty is an enormous deal to this girl.  She can't stand when people lie to her, and she cries when friends don't seem as much like friends.  She's the kind of girl who would never last a week playing the dating game, because the first breakup would tear her apart, piece by piece.  She doesn't like to give up on people.
   She's the kind of girl who makes a mess every time she bakes, randomly drops things, and manages to wear a white shirt every chili, taco, or ketchup day.  She is the kind of girl who wonders what purpose there is to raking leaves, besides to jump in the piles.  She feels a strong desire to straighten the things that are crooked, plus fix all the other problems in the world.
   This girl grows attatched to the characters in the novels she reads.  She's the kind of girl who knows a word's spelling and meaning, but can't say it right because she's only seen it in books.  There are some things she is too afraid to say, but she writes them down because they have to get out somehow, before they explode from the depths of her heart.
   She's the kind of girl who prays about the people who tick her off, the people who are sick, the people who are boys, the people who need love, and the occasional football game or snow day.  This is a girl who knowswhat it is to be stuck, to be trapped in the deep, dark pit of depression.  This is a girl who has been resced by God, and she will never, ever go back.
   This girl. Is me.
  

A Day of Silence

   Last Tuesday, on the Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity, people all over the world gave up their voices for one day for those babies who have never had a voice.  I was one of those people.  We, just a few students from our little high school in Northeast Missouri, took a stand.  We made a difference.  This is us:

 

 

 

silentday.org

P.S. There were more participants than this, but I couldn't get a picture with everyone. Many thanks to all you amazing people!

Just Because I Love You {Giveaway!}

  Yes, folks, it's here!  The "Just Because I Love You (and I Really, Really Want To)" giveaway!  Are you excited?  'Cause I'm really super-duper excited.  Yeah, it has a long name.  But have you seen the prizes?
   Ok, here's how it works:
    First and only required entry:

1. follow this blog.

    For additional entries (and I would totally get some of those if I were you):

1. Share on Facebook your favoritest post that I ever wrote.
2. Like the page.
3. Write about this fantastic giveaway on your blog, Facebook, or Twitter.

   Now wouldn't you like to know what you can win?  Many, many, and lots of thanks to my bestie for creating these oh-so-cute prizes.  She never told me she was so good at quilling!  One lucky first place winner gets ten cards that look something like this:



 (may also include penguins, pears, sheep, and more)

 

   If you are the second person drawn, you will receive all three of these magnets that will make your fridge or locker the envy of all your friends.

 

 

   The giveaway ends Novenber 8th ('cause that's my brother's birthday), so enter now!  And tell your friends. :)



P.S. I'm excited. ^^

 

P.P.S. Please leave a seperate comment for each entry.



Just the Way You Are

   I can envision God on the day He created you.  I see Him obsessing over every detail, loving every second.  He makes your nails and your hair and your toes.  And when He gets to your eyes, I imagine the Lord of creation going all Bruno Mars on you, because they outshine the stars in the sky.
   He creates your lips and your smile and perfects your laugh. He gives your hair just the right color and makes it fall just right (without you tryin').  Your fingers, ears, legs and lashes are samples of His best handiwork.  He makes your heart to love and to live and to beat for Him.  He gives you feelings and opinions.  He creates every single part of you in His own image, and when He is done He stands back to watch - and to say that you are good.
   He catches sight of your first smile, and stops and stares for a while.  You are His favorite of all His creations.  Every time He sees your face there is nothing He would change.  He wishes you could see yourself through His eyes, because then you would see your beauty.  You would realize that you're amazing, just the way you are.  You would understand that the God of the universe loves you.

 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

-Psalm 139:13-14

this song :)

My Heart Is Broken

   I have stood in church and sang the words, "break my heart for what breaks Yours."  I have cried out to my Lord, and He has given me what I asked.  My heart is broken.  As I sit in this chair in my house in this big, big world, my eyes fill with tears and my heart is overwhelmed.
   Father God is grieved over abortion, and He has laid this same burden on me.  When I think of the tragedy that occurs every day, of the lives lost, of the women traumatized, of the would-be fathers, and of the passive attitude we have towards this atrocity, I am outraged.  I am filled with so much emotion that if I don't let it out, I feel my heart might burst.  Abortion breaks my heart.
   Father God longs for each person to see her beauty and His love.  I cry for those who do not.  I consider the people who think so poorly of themselves, and I see them live their lives in depression and defeat.  I am totally overcome with a desire to show them their value, to let them see that the God of the universe loves them beyond measure.  My heart is broken.
   So be careful what you wish for.  And what you ask for.  Because if it's God you're asking, He will grant your wish.  Your heart might end up like His.  Broken.

Find Your Inspiration

   I was babysitting five of my little cousins yesterday.  And we got bored.  So we watched Chicken Run.  And I was inspired.  By this:

Bunty: Oh, face the facts, ducks. The chances of us getting out of here are a million to one.

Ginger: Then there's still a chance.

 

   So many times I find myself complaining that there is nothing new to write about, nothing to ignite my passion, nothing to inspire me.  I blame my apathy on my surroundings, when in reality it's not the things or the people around me, it's simply the way I look at them.
   When I look for inspiration, I find it.  I find it in the colors of the leaves on the trees, a laughing child, or worship.  Inspiration is lurking in the kind words of a stranger, hiding out around each unexpected twist and turn of the road, and right out there in the open of the big, bright, blue sky.
   Don't sit there and wait for something big to happen.  Get out there and make it happen.  Keep your eyes and your heart open.  Be inspired.

Becoming

   I look back on the me of yesteryear, and I surprise myself with who I've become.  I have grown older and perhaps wiser.  I'm a freshman with some kind-of friends and some new friends and some forever friends.  I've grown my hair longer, and I've come to a deeper realization of God's love.
   My life is a string of becoming, each day a pearl slipped onto my necklace.  Some are smaller than others; a few have lost their luster.  Still I strive to become.  To become a better friend, a stronger  athlete, a Proverbs 31 woman.  To become courageous despite my fears, joyful in all things, and loving to all people.
   And in the midst of all this, I hope to become... myself.

The Rain Comes

   The sky grows dark, and I am filled with expectation.  I feel this show was put on just for me.  I thrill at the greatness and glory of my God.
   The storm takes over, and my brother, full of fear, comes running, but I am not afraid.  I hear the rolling thunder and watch watch the brilliant lightning show, and I am reminded of His infinite power, His constancy.  He holds the universe in the palm of His hand.  He fills my every need.
   I stand in the rain and I catch it on my tongue.  It soaks my shirt and rests on my eyelashes.  I am drenched in the presence of my Lord and Savior, my lover.

via Pinterest. (but doesn't it almost look like me?)





I hope.

I hope for:
   unwavering courage
    life for the unborn
     Holy Spirit fire
    whole families
   a horse
    more of Him each day
     revival in my school
      like-minded friends
     healing for my baby cousin Josiah
    King Jesus' return
   victory for our football team
    a man to love me
     realization of value, worth, and beauty
      unconditional love
       stylish modesty
      overwhelming peace
     prophecy and miracles
    unity
   empty notebooks to fill
    soft hearts
     empathy
      purity
       snow days
        passion
       renewal.
I hope for more hope.