the greatness of God and the crappiness of me

   Last Wednesday of going to Moberly with Elaina, Bethany, and my momma for 41 Night, which is a monthly event put on by Café 41 Student Ministries. Remember back in the day when I did a week-long leadership internship and it rocked my world? Yeah. Same people.
   The night was great enough simply because I got to see so many people that I love, and because we played ninja, and because there were so many hug and smiles and laughter, and because they gave us pizza and M&Ms. But on top of it all, Jesus was there. And you never know what Jesus is gonna do.
   We kicked the night off with worship, and about ten minutes in I was overwhelmed by the greatness of God and the crappiness of me. I sat on butt and started crying and yelled at God. "I've messed up so many times! I don't even know how many times." God, being God, just let me ramble. "I always say I'm going to follow you, and then I blow it! I suck, God. How do you still love me??"
   When I finally had to pause for breath, the silence was overwhelming. And then God hit me with His four-word comeback. "I can handle you," He said.
   And that shut me up.
   Because if Jesus says He can handle me, then He can handle me. And if He can handle me, then He can handle all of me, all of the time. And if He can handle all of me, all of the time, then I don't have to worry. I don't have to stress.
   Honestly, God is so impressive. Because honestly, most people cannot handle me. Maybe for a minute, but then they don't know what to do and they have to take a break and then either they give up or we awkwardly try again. But God is not like that. He's so constant. I don't have to try to make Him like me. He already does. In fact, He already did. And He already will.
  So yeah, my crappiness is pretty impressive. But God's greatness wins every time.